Thirteen Year Old Indie Dude

As much as I'd like to take part in this spectacular issue of The Spectrum, I simply cannot. I am crestfallen. A severe case of scurvy has sidelined me indefinitely. To prove that even someone barely into his teens can be just as spiteful as I, my little brother Sam will have to take the reigns and drive. Fly Robin, fly.

And I really like the Black Eyed Peas' "Elephunk," especially the way Fergie shakes it.
-Nick Mendola

There's nothing like turning your radio to 103.3 the Edge and hearing the Black Eyed Peas. I enjoy listening to them as much as I enjoy being skinned to death with an orange peeler. A poop scented orange peeler. Actually, I would rather box with an elephant. Anything would beat "Elephunk." Why is this band so terrible?

I think people need to dance more.

I remember when Scott (Frauenhofer, editor in chief of Generation) and my brother used to play soccer on the same team in high school. Scott once left a message on our answering machine to my brother. It said something like:

"Agent Chair, this is Agent Wallpaper. Should you choose to accept this mission, be at my house in one hour and bring Led Zeppelin 'IV.' Don't tell the robots."

I guess what I'm saying is how did anyone let those two get in charge of anything?

I do not regret my Mighty Morphin Power Rangers days.

I heard that Three Days Grace song where they sing, "I hate everything about you. Why do I love you?" The lyrics are about as good as Saddam Hussein's body odor when he was living in his cubbyhole.

Back-to-back with this song on the radio was Saliva's "Rest In Pieces." Josey Scott (Saliva frontman), could you find it in your heart to stop making such terrible music?

The latest CD from the Get Up Kids called "Guilt Show" is so awesome. It sounds like their older, better stuff. If more people started producing art like their old stuff, I might think about renting the next Chevy Chase movie, drafting Kurt Warner in fantasy football or really enjoying "the Simpsons" again.

I still like watching "the Simpsons" though. It sure beats "Futurama" or watching Simon from "American Idol" tell people why their livers are totally worthless. Simon makes me as sick as listening to AFI.

Let me rephrase that, Simon makes me as sick as looking at Davey Havok of AFI's face. Watching him is kind of like watching Xena, Warrior Princess, sing emo.

That's it for today. Try not to buy any "Goosebumps" books.