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Tuesday, January 19, 2021
The independent student publication of The Unversity at Buffalo, since 1950

Being bisexual can be BS

Being a bisexual woman in 2020 comes with a lot of stereotypes

I’m attracted to women and men. 

Bisexual.

And there is a HUGE stigma with bisexuality.

I came to terms with my sexuality on Christmas Eve in 2016. Of course, no one I spent Christmas with knew that I had an epiphany that night, but it was freeing. I have always known that I was interested in girls, but sometimes admitting it to yourself is hard to do. 

My parents are very accepting, so I have no problem telling them. Still, I am compelled to hide it. My dad’s family is very religious, and even though they preach love thy neighbor, I still know there will be some judgement. 

I’m lucky: my family would be accepting and wouldn’t kick me out of the house like other parents have done to LGBTQ youth. Still, telling your parents something you aren’t even entirely certain about yourself can be terrifying.

Why is it so terrifying? The simple answer is that being bisexual comes with a lot of stereotypes attached to it. Ever since I was a little kid, I have been watching shows like Sex and The City and Glee  — both very openminded shows — bash bisexuals. On Glee, an openly gay character stated that being “bisexual is a lie gay guys tell in high school to hold hands with girls in the corridor so they can feel normal for a change.” 

There are also the homophobes who say they don’t mind if you like the same gender, as long as you don’t “switch” back and forth between sexes. 

Stereotypes like these were some of the reasons I was discouraged to tell anyone how I felt. I was afraid that even accepting people would think bisexuality is pushing it too far, or that bisexuality is just a transition state to accepting that I was fully a lesbian, which for the record: I am not. 

But these aren’t the only myths that I come across, here are some of my favorite stereotypes ranked for your pleasure:

5. “You’re just experimenting, I did that in college” 

I am not experimenting, and even if I was, what’s the problem with that? Sexuality is a difficult concept and sometimes it takes people years to figure out who they like. 

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4. “Just transition to full lesbian” 

This is just unoriginal. I know what I like; don’t try to pressure me to one specific spot. 

3. “Bisexuals are unloyal and will have multiple lovers”

This is just hurtful. Just because I am attracted to more than one gender does not condone cheating in any sense. I have been with my boyfriend for a year now and not once have I had the thought of cheating because I miss being with the other sex. It is disheartening to hear that people find bisexuals disloyal only because they like more than one gender.

2. “Bisexuals are attracted to everyone they meet”

I have my preferences just like everyone else. I have a type for what I look for in a partner. A common misconception that fits with this comment is that bisexuals have more to choose from. But this actually isn’t true as both lesbians and cis men sometimes say they won’t date a bi woman because they are afraid they’ll lose them or won’t be able to “hold them down.”

1. “You’re bisexual right? That means a threesome is something you’d always be done for?”

This one is honestly disgusting. If I am in a monogamous relationship, I personally don’t see a threesome as enjoyable. I don’t see the appeal of it at all. But most people tend to believe that because I like both sexes, a threesome between a guy and girl is something I would be down for. 

It’s quite difficult to be comfortable in my own skin with these stereotypes circulating around me, but I wouldn’t want it any other way. I am happy with who I am and I know who I am now. 

I am bisexual. 

This is not a transition state. 

This is not a choice.

This is me. 

The features desk can be reached at features@ubspectrum.com  

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