Worst movies for ‘Netflix and chill’

Don’t kill the mood, avoid these picks

marriage-story

In the age of streaming, finding content to backdrop “Netflix and chill” should be easier than ever.

After hitting it off with a love interest, the natural step once the two of you are hanging out at either’s place is to “put on a show to watch.” 

 To put it bluntly –– you both plan on having sex.

 The term “Netflix and Chill” has slowly achieved internet infamy since it first popped up in 2009.  By 2015, bolstered by popular dating apps like Tinder, it didn’t take long for the phrase to reach meme status.

“Netflix and chill” is so widespread that it even has its own Know Your Meme article, which details the term’s history and provides examples of the meme.

 But in this era of streaming, there is no excuse to put on the wrong type of film when the two of you are “chilling.” If your intentions truly are to engage in sex midway through the program, then certainly the content of the program matters. 

The wrong movie or show could turn you and your guest off completely. But don’t fret, because this list highlights several Netflix programs to avoid, ensuring your next Netflix and chill session is a “smashing” success. 

Marriage Story (Noah Baumbach, 2019)

 This is a film about a crumbling marriage and the subsequent mental anguish of the process of divorce. It sounds … erotic, right? 

 Seriously, try to be aroused at any point during the film’s nearly two-and-a-half-hour runtime. Roughly 140 minutes of a couple bickering back-and-forth sounds more like hell than it does a suitable option for Netflix and chilling. 

 Avoid this movie like the plague if you and your date want to have a good time.

 

The Green Inferno (Eli Roth, 2013)

 Nothing gets people in a sexy mood quite like a 100-minute long bloodbath about a cannibalistic tribe torturing and eating a group of environmental activists. 

 Things will get especially steamy between you and your date when the cannibals feed the starving activists the flesh of their friend, causing one to slash her throat in disgust. If that doesn’t turn you on, perhaps when the tribe leader cuts out the eyes and tongue of an activist and eats them with a bloody smile will. 

 Your date will likely run away before reaching the proverbial second base.

World War II in Colour (Robert Powell, 2009)

 Few experiences sound more miserable than being mid-coitus and getting interrupted by the harrowing sounds of Hitler screaming to a sea of Nazi soldiers or the loud bang of artillery shells carpet bombing London.

Talk about a mood killer.

Steer clear from this history lesson if you want to get down to business during the next Netflix and chill session.

Apostle (Gareth Evans, 2018)

 The first red flag here is the film’s duration. At 130 minutes, “Apostle” is simply too long for Netflix and chill purposes. Are you really going to be going at it for two hours?

 To be realistic, after finishing the deed, the film will only be about 40 minutes in. It will be extremely difficult to know what’s going on at all. In doing so, it will ruin an outstanding movie for the both of you. 

 Also, “Apostle” is unrelentingly disturbing and brutal. One scene in particular, involving a medieval drill torture device and a human skull, is sure to spoil the moment anyway.

 Do the right thing and save this one for a real date night and not Netflix and chill. 

The arts desk can be reached at arts@ubspectrum.com