The following article is satire and should be taken as such.
Dear Anne:
My roommate has been completely ignoring my boundaries. When I came back from class the other day, I found that she had strewn her dishes and books all over my half of the room. Having my own space is really important to me and this is really frustrating. Until now, I’d thought we were compatible. Now what?
Dear Misguided Reader:
If you let her disrespect your personal space with a few dishes and books, it won’t end until you’ve been kicked out altogether. Clearly, this sign of territorial aggression must not be tolerated. The path to regaining compatibility involves believing in yourself. Believe that you are also human, and that you are equally deserving of space. If your roommate thinks she has the right to toss her things all over your side of the room, then, given equal rights, it follows that you can do the same. Slowly take over her side of the room until she understands how you feel and consequently relents.
If this process is too long for your liking, skip to the good part. While she’s at class, pack up her things and move her into the lounge. You’ll be best friends again before you know it.
Dear Anne:
The Schussmeisters Ski Club has stopped leaving Sudoku puzzles in the lecture halls. These puzzles were my lifeline during my most boring classes. Now how do I occupy my time? And don’t tell me to pay attention in class. It’s not possible.
Dear Misguided Reader:
It appears that you are too good for the mainstream tactic of playing cellphone games during class to avoid boredom. If you absolutely refuse to get your money’s worth out of your college education, why not seize the opportunity to make some friends, instead? There are numerous websites with free Sudoku puzzles, crosswords and word searches available. Print those out and save your classmates from the oppression of lecture. Be the hero. You might even be able to charge a few cents per puzzle.
Don’t be discouraged if the professors react negatively to your new enterprise. If they object, it is simply out of envy. If you get bored just listening to the lecture, how much do you think professors would give to play games rather than teach it?
email: features@ubspectrum.com
