You're far from any salvation.
This disease you are suffering from can only be diagnosed as chronic and terminal. My advice would be to pray for a higher power to rescue you.
The friend zone has found you.
This black hole halts for nothing and will only continue sucking away any attraction she has for you. It'll take and take as its gravitational powers prevent anything from escaping.
It's a death sentence.
You're not completely at fault. You didn't see the signs and didn't even do anything to cause this emotional pain.
It sprang on you when you realized that she hugs you out of sibling love. It hit you when you noticed that she calls not for late night physical support, but emotional advice.
And now you're in the rut of "why me?" and "how do I get out of this?" (But remember, it's a black hole. There are no U-Turns at this point of the game.)
No one knows the exact causes for this ailment, which seems to most commonly plague guys.
Some theorize that the guy is "too nice" and has just thrown himself off the track of a potential love interest. Others say that it's the fault of the 'miswired' female brain - she only wants what she can't have.
Specialists are unsure of the origins and ultimately have no preventive measures to offer.
You think that you can be fine being just her friend. She will still seek your company, and you will still get to sniff her signature scent whenever she jumps in for a hug.
No harm done, right? Wrong!
Let's talk about the times she invites you to see a movie.
At the start, you both sit there side by side, staring wide-eyed at the screen. Gradually, her head falls toward your shoulder. You want to bring your arm out to cradle her against your shoulder, maybe even give her a light kiss on her forehead, signaling her to raise her chin for a deeper one on the lips. The embrace would strengthen as passionate mouths craved for more and curious hands wandered.
You can't do that, though.
You're tied up in the platonic restraints of the friend zone. All intimate actions and thoughts are off limits. Making any move would be deadly for your friendship.
Fast forward to when she starts dating the guy she had gushed about (to you) for weeks. They're official and doing all the things you had dreamed of doing with her.
He's the one who gets to feel her rosy lips. He's the one who falls asleep with her in his arms. He's the one you despise and envy.
This is probably the worst torture out there, and I can only offer a hand of sympathy.
Don't you wish there could be a "Get Out of Jail Free" card? You know, a card that could remove your desire for her and brainwash you to forget her perfect eyes and addicting laugh. It would get the thoughts of her hair brushing against your cheek out of your head. Her corny jokes wouldn't be hilarious to you anymore and her girl drama wouldn't intrigue you.
Her delicate hands wouldn't fit into yours, so don't even consider that.
But there isn't one, so I can't say there is a happy ending.
In a perfect world, the black hole would spit everything back up and seal itself shut. Remnants of the "zone" would be obliterated and she would throw herself at you. You'd get her - finally.
But the world we live in is not perfect. It's a tough ride. The roller-coaster drop is neverending, and the feeling in your stomach will only cause more and more discomfort.
At least she's sitting next to you on this ride, right?
email: gisellel@buffalo.edu
