On a crisp October afternoon, I strapped up my football helmet and lined up for tackling drills on my high school football field.
It was my least favorite part of practice because some of the players on my team did not exemplify the proper tackling technique and would lead with the crown of their helmets. This caused the other players on the team to experience getting their "bell rung."
As part of a tackling drill, I was running with the ball when my teammate went for the big hit and led with the crown of his helmet.
I had done everything in my power to lower my pads to absorb the blow, but because he had led with his helmet, he caught me under my chin. And the only thing I remembered through my blurred vision was the faint sound of my assistant coach uttering the words: "Joe! Joe! Are you all right?"
I had been knocked out.
It had only been 3-5 minutes, but it felt like eternity. The first thing that came to mind was: Am I alive? I had thought for a second I was paralyzed because it felt like 15 tons of force were holding my body down on the football field.
With the help of my teammates, I was carried off the field to the trainer's office.
As I lay in the office, I started to realize where I was. I covered my eyes. I was irritated by the bright lights. It felt like I had just stared into 1,000 camera flashbulbs and I couldn't shake the spots I was seeing.
I was then put through multiple tests for about half an hour. I had been asked to remember dates and numbers. After hesitating to respond to some of the questions, it was clear that I had a concussion.
My football season was over. I was never going play another level of football again in my life.
Why? Because this was the fifth concussion I had suffered in two years.
I was the worst I had ever been, according to my mom. I had multiple headaches and was completely out of it as if I was on autopilot. When I was asked at the dinner table to talk, I just gave one-word responses that had no depth or substance.
I remember struggling to follow the conversation and flow of class. I could not complete a reading or writing assignment without experiencing some type of headache.
These were symptoms and side effects I had experienced before, but these just kept lingering on. They have finally started to wear off recently, but I worry sometimes when I struggle to find my car in the parking lot.
Today, when I read reports of football players and athletes who have developed post-concussion effects that involve depression and players like Junior Seau killing himself, it raises my anxiety level. Who knows what the future brings for me? All I know is that each and every day, I will try to increase my cognitive skills so they are back to normal.
When you hear of concussions from now on, I hope you consider what former and current players experience. Everyone is different, but I feel our stories - the stories of lives blurred by concussions - should be told.
Email: joseph.konze@ubspectrum.com
