I'm 22 and I've seen my parents kiss less than a handful of times. I hate public displays of affection and find them to scream insecurity.
I never understood why I was so apathetic to stereotypical romance or affection. I have never been heartbroken, so I'm not a woman scorned and I do believe in life after love. After months of racking my brain, I realized my unorthodox beliefs stem from my parents, who have been together for over 23 years and married for about 16 of them.
Growing up, my parents worked opposite shifts at the same job, so I seldom saw them together. The days they were off from work, they spent with my siblings and me instead of each other - their role as parents trumped their roles as lovers. My parents didn't hate each other, though. The fondest memory I have of my parents is my mother sitting on a couch with my father's head resting on her lap while she pokes fun at his blackheads and blemishes.
My parents have always been friends first - a trait many of my peers seem to lack in their relationships. They have always been partners in parenting and partners in maintaining a household, and although they never directly told me how relationships were supposed to be, they taught me a solid foundation for a healthy relationship is friendship.
A lot of my girlfriends have unrealistic and high expectations for their relationships. They want a superhero, they want a tough guy and, at the same time, they want somebody sensitive to their feelings. A lot of girls focus on what men do wrong as opposed to what they do right or even why they got together in the first place.
Women will prefer a man holds the door open for them in public or hold their hand but don't care they hold no substantial conversation with their significant other at the end of the day.
I would much rather prioritize an actual relationship with my boyfriend than plot the ways I can take him out and show him off like a trophy. I look at girls who cling onto their boyfriend's arms like baby koalas with separation anxiety and wonder if their incessant nagging for a kiss is a result of the honeymoon phase or if they simply want the world to know they have a boyfriend.
I would always ask my mother why she and my father never had huge date nights, or why she never got upset that he wouldn't randomly bring her flowers and her answer would always be, "That isn't what makes or breaks a couple."
Instead of spending hundreds or thousands on mundane presents, my parents spent the money on clothes for my siblings and me. Instead of using their nights off from work to strengthen only their bond as husband and wife, my parents used the time for our family to grow closer.
Yes, the gifts and displays of affection are nice, but in my opinion, they mean more when the two people in love solely share them.
We grow up and subconsciously wish to emulate what we see on TV, what we see in school and what we see at home. I grew up seeing that public displays of affection don't make or break a relationship - the bond between the two in the relationship does.
Materialistic things might be great, but they come and go. And if you don't make sure the love you have for your significant other is genuine, that will go, too.
Happy Valentine's Day.
Email: elva.aguilar@ubspectrum.com
