"I think of myself as a really big lie."
For those readers who aren't the biggest fans of Lady Gaga (I'm looking at you, Jameson), I'm sure this admission is one you've been waiting a long time to hear.
On Friday night, however, when Mother Monster confessed her secret to a crowd of 18,000, the disappointment of some fans was more than apparent. Screams of "no" and reassurances that she wasn't a lie at all filled the arena, almost drowning out her next words:
"Because, if you tell a really big lie enough times, it becomes reality."
For a moment after that proclamation, something was heard in HSBC Arena that I would never have expected at a Gaga concert: silence. The screaming mob of fans, from the nosebleeds in the back all the way to my friends and I in the very front row, grew quiet as her message sank in.
It's no secret that Lady Gaga is all about flash and glamour. She lives in a way that makes her seem larger-than-life, and it is that quality that draws so many of us who live on the fringes of society to her. To have her admit so openly that she wasn't the person she pretended to be was almost too much to comprehend.
After the show had started, Gaga assured the audience, "Tonight, all the freaks are outside, and we've locked the f**king doors!" At the Monster Ball, each and every Little Monster was just the person they were meant to be, completely at ease with who he or she was.
Something about the atmosphere of the Monster Ball was so beautifully affirming, so welcoming, that even the most outlandish person inside felt far saner than anyone outside HSBC Arena. We may have been painted up more than we would ever dare to be in public, and wearing clothes that would make our mothers flinch, but we were never more ourselves than for those two hours.
Therein lies the real reason people are fans of Lady Gaga: by being someone larger than herself, she proves to us all just how possible it is to be yourself, no matter what the odds. It doesn't matter what obstacles you face, or how many people tell you "no," or "you can't." At the end of the day, the only person who can decide who you will be is yourself.
People say that the Monster Ball isn't a concert; it's an experience. Until you actually go, however, you can't really understand what that means. I certainly didn't, and honestly, I can't find the words to describe it to you now. All I know is that, sometime within those two hours, I found a sense of comfort with myself that I have almost never known before.
On Friday night, Lady Gaga confessed to a crowd of 18,000 that she was not, in fact, "born this way." A creation of herself and many others, "Mother Monster" was nothing but a big sham, but one that in the telling of the lie had become truth. By admitting this, Gaga proved to the entire audience, myself included, that we are, in fact, the masters of our own fates.
And whether you think she is God's gift to pop music, or just some glory hog in a blonde wig, the message Lady Gaga shared with Buffalo last night is why I will always be proud to call myself a "little monster."
E-mail: clinton.hodnett@ubspectrum.com
