I love the dunk contest during the NBA's All-Star weekend. I could not tell you which conference has won any of the games, but I can tell you that Dwight Howard threw that ball in and it shouldn't have counted. What I can't get over is the lack of LeBronathon Raymone James in the festivities.
I have nothing against LeBron. As a very casual professional basketball fan, I could not have cared less when King James decided to take his talents to sunny South Beach over the balmy climates of New York, Cleveland, or Chicago. However, it bothers me that the man who is arguably the league's best showman and dunker would continually pass up the opportunity to show off some of his more useless skills.
With no incumbent winners competing in this year's contest, and James too busy polishing his nails or something, what could we possibly look forward to? Blake Griffin. If you don't know who Blake Griffin is, then let's face it, you're not reading this piece, so I'm not going to go into who he is. He's Blake "I Can't Believe He Actually Qualifies as a Rookie" Griffin.
Here's the thing. I want to see Griffin take on James in the dunk contest. It's the only thing I want to see in basketball. This is the Mayweather-Pacquiao of the NBA. It is not going to happen unless Griffin comes out and personally insults James on a national scale.
Well, good news everyone! I have taken it upon myself to pen just such a letter for Griffin, and you all get a sneak peak.
So, I hear that you will not be competing in the dunk contest this year. That's unfortunate because I was really looking forward to seeing you there. I mean, I know you're busy doing nothing on Saturday, but I'm really going to miss you when I step out there and embarrass everyone else. Just know, LeBron, that even though I'm going to be dominating lesser opponents, I'll be thinking of you.
I just can't help but wonder why you won't show up. Remember last year ,when you promised to compete? I do. What happened, LeBron? Were you too busy getting ready for the playoffs with the Cavaliers? Were you working on your conditioning? Apparently not.
But I can get over that, LeBron. I didn't compete last year either. It was because I had a broken kneecap, but I'm sure your excuse was just as good. My focus is on this year and I can't believe the fact that you won't accept my invite to duel me in my own house.
I guess I'll have to just come up with a way to cope without you, LeBron. I'm actually hanging out with Delonte West tonight. He introduced me to this really nice chick the other day, so I'm sure that I can come up with something to keep myself busy while you're not around. The funny thing is that she actually said that she knows you. That's probably just a coincidence, though.
I don't know, man. Maybe I should just give up. I guess you get to keep the title of best in the league without actually proving it. I'm just a rookie. What do I know? They call you the King, LeBron, but just remember that every kingdom falls.
Griffin just has to sign his name to the letter and send it off to Miami. If he needs James' exact address, I'm sure that woman Delonte introduced him to has it.