Football season has come to an end. Take a second to wipe the tears from your eyes before reading on. I know, there there, it'll be all right. Well, at least I hope it will.
We go through this sadness every year. Normally, it passes in a few weeks when we remember that we will have our beloved NFL back soon enough. This year, however, we must enter the void without a guarantee that we will be brought out.
As of this moment, there will be no football season in the fall. Hopefully, the players and owners can come to an agreement so that we don't lose our nation's favorite sport. If they cannot, we must be prepared to fill our time with something new. Luckily for you, oh cherished reader, I have come up with a few suggestions to ease the pain.
Drugs: Do drugs. Lots of them. Do enough to remove yourself from reality for at least a year. Do so many drugs that people automatically assume that you are in a band, would be a bad influence on their children, or have a master's degree in English.
Watch Soccer: Just kidding.
Check out the UFL: Sure, the league may be entirely comprised of NFL has-beens, washouts, and not-good-enoughs, but it's the closest thing to football that we will have. How could you not get excited watching the likes of Jeff Garcia and Ahman Green battling formidable opponents like That Guy and What's His-Face? Best of all, you can watch Buffalo's own Drew "I'm Pretty Sure He Doesn't Have A Nickname" Willy head the league's Las Vegas franchise.
Watch The Replacements or Invincible: Both of these films are amazing, but you won't be watching them for their cinematic genius. You should be looking for pointers. Even though a lockout is coming, the owners are not going to want to give up their revenue streams. This means that they will be for looking scabs to take the field, and there's no reason it shouldn't be you.
I know that this is a scary time for all of us, but trust me – this too shall pass.
Disclaimer: Carey and The Spectrum do not actually advise you to "Do drugs. Lots of them."
E-mail: sports@ubspectrum.com
