College days

All this debate about whether or not UB should observe Good Friday as a holiday got me thinking: Why should we get any religious holidays off? Particularly when UB doesn't even observe most federal holidays — like Columbus Day. Banks and the post office are closed, but we're in school.
UB claims it follows a secular calendar, but I beg to differ. Giving a majority of Jewish holidays off and neglecting other religions is not exactly secular.
As a Roman Catholic, personally, I couldn't care less if we got Good Friday off. How I observe my religion is my own business. What does irritate me is the fact that we do get religious holidays off. We're a public university and we shouldn't get any religious holidays off. UB professors should make exceptions for students who need to miss class for religious reasons, but it should not be a university mandate.
We're college kids at a state school — we should adopt this secular, college-friendly calendar for the 2010-2011 academic year by observing "college" holidays.
And before the non-drinking crowd rises in protest, think of it this way: it's win-win. The hungover kids get to stay home, and the studious one don't have to deal with the nonsense.
So, UB, this is my proposal: Throw out the current academic calendar and adopt my new one.
Oktoberfest — Comparable to spring break, but at the end of October where everyone pretends they're German, sports lederhosen and drinks some beer. Think Friedrich from The Sound of Music. Oh, and don't forget the Bratwurst.
Valentine's Day —Whether you're going out to dinner with your significant other or sitting alone in your dorm room drowning your sorrows in a bottle of Barton's finest, everyone enjoys V-day. Either you're going to drink alone, or you're going to celebrate your blossoming relationship with a few bottles of bubbly. Take the day off.
St. Patrick's Day — If you're truly Irish, St. Paddy's Day is often considered one of the high holy days where Jameson drives brain cells out like St. Patrick did to the snakes in Ireland. Munch on some corned beef and cabbage while dropping some car bombs and enjoying an ice cold Harp. Erin Go Bragh.
Mardi Gras — Fat Tuesday lets bored college students bring a little New Orleans to Buffalo. Grab some beads, learn Creole and kick things up a notch with a variety of mixed drinks before the self-inflicted abstinence of the Lenten season kicks in.
Columbus Day — I like to celebrate the merciless slaughter of millions of my ancestors by staying home and watching the history channel replay specials about Columbus's many failures with a Molson in hand (it's also the Canadian Thanksgiving; I need to represent.)
Halloween — Oct. 31 is more a weeklong event here in Buffalo and should be observed with reverence. Why not? What other holiday lets you eat, drink and be merry with Michael Jackson, slutty pirates, Superman and sexy cops?
Cinco de Mayo — No finals on May 5, please. Don't do that to us, UB.
April 20 — Get your Bob Marley on. Roots, rock, reggae.
And lastly, every college student's favorite holiday: Thursday. Asher Roth loves it; so do silly frat boys and bar owners. Thursday is a great way to blow off steam so you can fully enjoy the rest of your real weekend.
UB — this is a real secular calendar. I'm just throwing it out there. Let me know if you wish to discuss further.

E-mail: caitlin.tremblay@ubspectrum.com