It was bound to happen sooner or later.
Some people I know will wonder what took me so long. Others will be astonished that such an acquaintance could ever take shape.
I'm talking about my new friend. Lately, my pal 'reality' and I have been getting on some very intimate terms.
This revelation was a long time coming. I'm one of those people who tend to read their way through financial troubles, family drama and natural disasters. I pride myself on being able to slip into my own little Narnia of imagination and emerge as the sun shines through and all is well again.
Henry James wasn't going to get me out of this one, unfortunately - not for lack of trying, though, as proven by the massive amount of reading I did and the countless glasses of wine I consumed.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that my life hasn't been all roses lately, and I've been a smidge overdue in taking notice.
First, my relationship that I thought would last forever fell apart.
Then issues with the recession trickled down into the heart of my family.
And then, I had to finally come to terms with the man I love being truly happy with someone else - or at least without me.
All of this also came on top of pending post-grad stresses about finding a job, a graduate school, letters of recommendation and the like.
It's almost as if I have stepped out of my own life, and I'm watching all these events of late happen to someone else.
I can't help but think that I'm being a little too melodramatic and Sylvia Plath-like, even by my standards. On one side I'm disgusted with myself for being so unnecessarily blue, yet on the other, I think my feelings of melancholia should be given their day in court.
I may be in a contest with the rest of the world as to whose life is the worst. I could also be dealing with real problems.
If anything, the past few months have been a metamorphosis of who I was, who I am and who I will become. It remains to be seen whether that change will be for the better or worse in the long run. Eventually, I can only hope the discontent and disconnect I hold regarding my surroundings will even out.
Despite the oblivion I appear to be facing, it does soothe my soul to know my support system is still intact. My family is amazing, my friends are sublime and I couldn't ask for better coworkers.
In time, this strange period of my life will fan out and this dissatisfaction will be only a memory.
After all, recessions sink bank accounts and people's sense of worth, love doesn't always last forever and the sense of feeling unclaimed is a fact of life. It is in times like these that we call our mothers more, rely on chance less and embrace every good point that there is in our lives, for who knows when that can slip away, too.
We live in an uncertain age, people. The best we can do now is batten down the hatches, expand the sails and hopefully weather the storm.
