???With the economy in turmoil and graduation closing in, I wanted to give a gift back to my fellow students in order to help them become successful in their future endeavors. As someone who has been in many - and won even more - arguments, I have compiled this rock-solid guide for winning any argument you may find yourself in.
???The first step is easily the most important of them all: never blink. I've long considered blinking a sign of weakness, and ever since I've given it up, I can see the admiration in the facial expressions of those I meet. Now, this will take some practice at first - but don't give up, it'll be worth it in the end.
???In addition, you must make sure to maintain eye contact during this entire process, no matter how difficult it may be. If they look scared, it's only because they have realized the debate presence you've brought to the arena.
???The next tip I picked up from my studies in mathematics. The transitive law states that if A = B, and B = C, then A = C. I consider this to be a long and laborious task, and simply cut out the middleman. Once I get A, I automatically assume C. When someone tells me they're heading south, I instantly know they're going to Florida. This tends to save me a lot of time and has proven priceless when battling wits.
???If for any reason you get backed into a corner, you're gonna have to reach for the big guns. As soon as they get that air of confidence that they've beaten you, instantly fire back and call them a conformist. Explain to them they need to step out of the box and take a look at the world as it is, not through a television screen or billboard. Chances are, they'll be startled by your innate ability to see through their tough exterior to the little child that just wants to be accepted.
???Don't let the facade of a confused stare get the best of you; it's time to seal the deal. Start throwing any statistic you can think at them. It doesn't really matter what you say, as long as percentages and numbers are a part of it. Someone once told me that 95 percent of all statistics are made up - but why stop at 95?
???When they throw their arms in the air and proclaim "I can't talk to this guy [or girl; this is an equal opportunity guide] anymore!" you know you've won. All of their prior knowledge of the world has literally been shattered, and all they can do to keep their sanity (whatever that's worth) is walk away. Every time this happens to me, I get the feeling Christopher Columbus must have gotten when the rest of the world accepted that the globe wasn't flat.
???Every once in a while, you'll find someone naive enough to challenge you a second time. This is the very reason why wherever I go, I carry around a dry erase board and a permanent marker with a record of our previous sparring match (Me: 1, You: 0). When they approach, I simply hold the board up and say "Scoreboard, my friend, scoreboard."
???I've never had anyone come back for a third round.
???With this knowledge, I am confident that when each and every one of you go beyond UB, whether it be to further education or a career in industry, you will bring a unique and dominating voice that will send others away without intentions of crossing you again.
Photo: Courtesy of Laron Fomby
