Student-teacher sex scandals make for the stickiest news stories on JuicyCampus.com, but we need to ask ourselves: why is sleeping with teachers so wrong, when it can feel so right?
We here at The Spectrum believe taboo relationships between teachers and students should be a thing of the past. In fact, these interactions should be encouraged.
Teachers, don't lie - you all want to get your hands on the student body. We know you've envisioned that frat boy wearing nothing but his letters or the exchange student from Long Island as a Catholic schoolgirl.
And we know your students are thinking the same thing. Those lectures on archeological digs make students want to jump your bones. So why should things like age differences, education levels, or wedding rings make love a battlefield?
We're not saying to spend the night with someone old enough to be your parent (or grandparent), nor are we advocating sex in exchange for better grades. TAs, assistants, food service workers and coaches make for an untapped market of love at UB.
Thousands of students' brain cells are slaughtered by alcohol everyday. Soon, the only coherent, smart and attractive people left on campus will be the professors themselves. Not to mention, these people are interesting - they don't sit on Facebook all day; unless they're masturbating to your pictures.
Dr. Wood, from the Department of Feelin' Good, is a strong advocate for student-teacher relationships. President John B. Simpson has pledged support as well. Simpson hopes to increase romance emissions 40 percent by 2012.
So go ahead; ask your Exercise Science teachers for some hands-on lessons; "help" your physics TA with his "English." Ask if you can have some alone time with the cadavers. These are all ways you can help UB become a pleasure epicenter for student-teacher intercourse.
Remember kids, screwing your TA keeps the doctor away. And don't cheat on your teacher with your TA, because karma's a bitch and will come back to bite you the same way a zombie chows down on brains: om nom nom nom.
*April Fools Article Disclaimer - This content of this article was
published as a "joke" and may contain invalid or false information.
Photo: Courtesy of Laron Fomby
