Hot Damn ! As every writer, artist, or public figure sets their pens to paper or preps their tongues to speak, there's seemingly nothing one can do but comply as they (and we) watch our nation, once built on rock n' roll and the freedom of speech, rapidly decline into the United States of Political Correctness.
In the wake of this tragic movement stands one man: a man who proudly dons old band T's with pit and mustard stains. A man who isn't afraid to make Chris Benoit jokes right after the Canadian Crippler lost his shot at the title, along with his mind. A man who brings big, dirty rock to the masses and remains loyal to the scene he helped create. The man, the myth, the movement -Keith Buckley- the singer and philosopher behind Buffalo's biggest and "ballsiest" metalcore band Every Time I Die, recently sat down with The Spectrum and unloaded his undeniable intelligence and unmatched wit all over this once clean publication.
"If my phone vibrates, it's 'cause I'm using it to masturbate," Buckley said.
A technique used by many. After the self-rewarding phone calls went intentionally unanswered, things got serious...well, sort of.
Fielding the universal ETID question/problem, Buckley addressed the revolving door that is the Every Time I Die Bass player.
"God, if I knew, we'd have one," Buckley said, in regards to why his band can't keep the same ten fingers behind their Fender Squire. "I think in a lot of the instances it was somebody that came into it and sort of took it for granted, 'like I don't have to do anything. I'm coming into an already established band. I'm just gonna ride the coattails and f***ing party and not really have to do anything,' which is cool because honestly I'd prefer that to someone that would try to come in and write songs and try to change the sound. It was just a personality clash."
"The guy that we got now - Josh, from From Autumn to Ashes - is such a perfect fit. He's older than us and he's kinda over the 'I'm the new bass player, I'm gonna go see how many chicks I can bang.' He's definitely not like that. He's funny and a f***in' awesome player, he sounds great. We don't want to say that he's permanent because that's the kiss of death, the second that comes out in print he's gonna, you know, die in a gardening accident or something."
As Josh Newton is bridging the Bass gap, He Is Legend drummer Steve Bache will be filling in on drumming duties, as the rodent-like beat-backer Michael Novak is out with a back injury that he supposedly garnered while slam-dunking a basketball. After some heavy prying, Buckley spilled the beans.
"You don't take Novak to be the sporting type? The kid can ball. I think he was actually loading out gear from the Christmas show. He's actually had back problems before. It sucks that he's straightedge because he wont take medicine."
Sometimes that edge needs to be dulled.
Though Novak isn't "dying" out on tour with his band mates, what's more than alive and well is guitarist and lumberjack Andy William's beard.
"Oh My God. Have you seen it lately? It looks like he's eating Sasquatch's p***y. He has hair like down to his ankles. It's insane," Buckley said. "I don't think I can get it that big, but I'm trying. Mine hits a period where it stops growing and then just starts to stink."
That might not be a bad thing, as Buckley is currently entertaining the possibility of ETID in 3D and or Smell-o-vision.
"Oh my God, wouldn't that be awesome? Smell-o-vision. If that's at all possible, we should at least have segment. Did you ever see 'Nightmare on Elmstreet' when it was in 3D? Yeah, well I saw it without the 3D glasses. I didn't get them and it definitely looked retarded. So I think we'll do that, well make it look 3D but it actually wont be 3D and people will just be wearing glasses."
Spreading their musical seeds throughout every medium in the entertainment world, ETID have been seen and heard in movies, games, and on TV. One would assume this would be a dream come true.
"It was unbelievable. It was so much fun," Buckley said in regards to his performance on Late Night with Jimmy Kimmel. I mean it was terrifying, like the whole way there I was hoping the plane would crash or something , like someone would break their arm so we couldn't do it because I was f***ing terrified. But we got there and everybody was really cool to us and it totally wasn't a big deal at all, I mean I know it was, but it didn't feel like it at all."
It gets better.
"I got to meet Andy Dick. Me and him are text buddies now."
Buckley also spilled the beans on Kimmel's uncle and "security guard" Frank Potenza.
"He's like Methuzla in the Bible. He's like upwards of 300."
For those unaware of ETID's appearances in the movie and videogame worlds, fear not, Buckley wasn't aware of them until recently as well.
"The Guitar Hero thing is like a dream come true and we got onto that racing game for PS3 that's out right now that we didn't even know about until Jordan was playing it," Buckley said.
It's obviously pleasing to see your band's music spread like a super-groupie throughout the entertainment world, but Buckley is anything but pleased with VH1's oddly adored Rock of Love 2.
"When I heard they were doing Rock of Love 2, I thought they would maybe keep recycling washed up rock stars like have Steve Augeri in one or a dude from Whitesnake in another because Brett Michaels brings absolutely nothing to the table."
Before the poisonous VH1 conversation came to an end, Buckley offered his thoughts on the possibility of Rock of Love with Rick Allen, the one armed Def Leppard drummer.
"(Laughter) The Rock of Love 0.5"
Backing away from the brainwashing filth that is reality TV and moving into the educational field, some advice was offered to students looking to take Computer Science and Engineering here at UB.
"Professor Buckley loves to show clips from television shows," Buckley said.
After hearing about the supposed "watch my son on Kimmel" homework assignment, Buckley (Keith) had nothing but warmness in his heart and on his tongue.
"I wouldn't doubt it. You know what, he's milking our career for all its worth...I'm just kidding, I know he's gonna read this."
For the few that don't know, Professor Buckley is Keith's father.
What is common knowledge to every ETID fan is that their annual Christmas show is the highlight of their touring year, for both the band and fans alike. Last year's was dominated the Adventure Landing, this year, Lasertron?
"I would love to play in Lasertron. We'd all dress up like Tron," Buckley said. "You know how they had Lasertag? I didn't have Lasertag, me and Jordan had the budget one, it was called Photon Phasers and it was like Lasertag and it was f***ing awesome. I wish that they still sold Lasertag because now our only mode of assault on tour is actual riffles and we actually shot our tour manager in the eye and he had to go to the hospital. If it were a laser, there would be no hospital trips involved."
Before ETID embarked upon their current tour with Killswitch Engage and the maniacs that are The Dillinger Escape Plan, they single handedly brought Fall Out Boy to the Mohawk Place for a secret performance. But before the Fall Out, Buckley dished on Dillinger and whether or not they're as crazy as they appear.
"Yes, one hundred million percent, on stage and offstage. You can see it in their eyes that they're loose cannons. It's f***in' awesome, but they're like the smartest people I've ever met in my life. Did you here the story where Greg took a s*** in his hand and threw it into the crowd? He f***ing s*** into his hand and threw it into the crowd. That's like psycho orangutan behavior."
And now the "Fall Out" and how that gift was given to the Buffalo Community.
"It was really cool. It wasn't a business deal, it was because we're friends with them, they had a day off, I asked them if they wanted to come," Buckley said. "We gave them a call, no mangers involved, and just saw if they wanted to come and have a good time at a little bar a show and they did it. It's just a great testament to the fact that even as big as they are, they still keep their friends in mind and still love to do stuff like that."
Pete Wentz, Buckley chum and Fall Out Boy bassist, is currently on the cover of Cosmo Girl. Thoughts?
"I don't see how people get mad. That is a success story. I'm sorry, that's a celebrity. The dude was always in to music, like I said for like 10 years we've been friends. When we played Chicago, he would always come out. He was into other bands, other local hardcore bands, he just, he hit it big. I mean it's not like I would ever want to be on the cover of Cosmo Girl, but I mean I would love to enjoy success with my music to a fact that I new that I could do it for the rest of my life," Buckley said.
Before his departure, Buckley was kind enough to address his fans.
"In closing, to my fans, dear, dear, fans, thank you for your fanship. You're great fans. Checkout www.myspace.com/thefinalemusic (his mellow side-project) and definitely come out to see Every Time I Die the next time we're around."
ETID will be playing the Harro East Ballroom in Rochester this Thursday night with Killswitch Engage and The Dillinger Escape Plan. Go.
Photo: Courtesy of Laron Fomby
