It's now official. Director Steven Spielberg, famous for hits such as "Jurassic Park" and "Killer Piranhas 7,"will be directing the big screen adaptation of one of the world's most timeless children's books.
For several months, speculation has circulated that Taro Gomi's "Everyone Poops" would make it to the silver screen. When it was confirmed that Spielberg would be taking on the project, stars ranging from Tom Cruise to Steven Seagal have taken an interest in the leading role.
Many anxious web bloggers were confused by these casting rumors, arguing that the protagonist in the original book is in fact, a young boy.
"It's a timeless story. Unfortunately, it feels a little dated. We're looking to reinvent the story for a new generation," Spielberg said, answering one of a slew of questions at the first official press conference. "I sat down with Rob (Zombie), who did so much with 'House of 1,000 Corpses,' and we brainstormed about how to put some feeling into the character. "
The updated plot will incorporate the lead with a romantic interest, while not completely straying from the use of animals as examples of other things that poop.
"The theme is self explanatory," Spielberg said. "Everybody poops. Obviously, the animals will cost a hefty sum to acquire, not to mention the training it will take to have the animals poop on command. However, I think we all feel that the project is important enough to pursue at whatever cost necessary."
Spielberg and Zombie will share the writing credits, while Spielberg will take the reigns as director. Casting for the film is not complete. However, Spielberg announced that the leads would be the most notable highbrow movie stars.
An insider at DreamWorks, who asked not to be named in this article, reported that Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston are in talks.
Pitt is busy indeed, finishing up his directorial debut "I Look Good" while currently on location in Antarctica filming the global warming awareness film "It's Getting Hot in Herre," co-starring Lindsay Lohan.
"Jennifer is awesome," said her agent, I. M. Rich. "Like if you looked up awesome in the dictionary, you know what you would see next to it? A picture of Jennifer. Well, not Jennifer, but definitely her kickass hair."
It is rumored that the film will be up to three hours in length. "We're definitely looking to keep it under three hours, but there is no denying how epic this movie is going to be," Spielberg said.
And while this film may seem epic and unmatchable, Paramount Pictures has been talking about adapting "Once Upon a Potty," by Alona Frankel, another timeless children's book that tells the tale of a young girl and her potty.
"Potty" apparently has a finished script and even a director to boot. It seems that Martin Scorsese, Oscar winner for "The Departed," is thinking "Potty" for his follow up.
"I hate Marty. I hate him so much. I hope he falls and breaks his hip," Spielberg said when asked about Scorsese's rumored involvement in the competing film, storming off the podium in anger.
Ironically, Spielberg miscounted the stage by five stairs and fell on his right hip, breaking it. The injury threatens to slow production of "Everyone Poops."
Photo: Courtesy of Laron Fomby
