It isn't the roses, the random make-out sessions blocking the hallways or the hearts pasted everywhere that's annoying about Valentine's Day.
I can even deal with the huge pink displays in the front of every store and the chalky hearts that I eat till I get sick; overall I think I handle the whole forced love thing pretty well. However, what I can't handle comes from the stamped chest of those giant teddy bears, its those cute little encryptions like "I love you," "You're so special" or "Only You."
If I ever had to stoop to the level where I seriously gave someone one of those, I think I would puke on myself.
(Insert sarcastic voice below)
I mean, could anyone really be so special to me that I would buy them a mass produced teddy bear that said "how I feel?" Underneath the "You're so special" there should be fine print explaining the real meaning, I think it would be probably be something like, "You're so special that I went to the store browsed for no more than one minute, stood in a line for five seconds and shelled out $9.99 to get you this, which everyone knows is the most impersonal gift ever. Can't wait till next year, I think I'll get you the one that says, 'Only You' so that you know I care about only you."
C'mon, who are we trying to fool? They probably only make about a million of those bears, so at least your significant other will feel like a one of a million in three million.
But it isn't the fact that people are unoriginal that makes this so stupid.
It's the fact that anyone can get so worked up over a "day" that they feel like they need to buy this crap, and more importantly, feel like they need to receive it.
Furthermore, people actually get depressed because no one gave them a completely insensitive teddy bear. I heard a couple of girls whining about having no valentine this year, one of them actually said, "I'm so depressed no one wants to be my valentine, my life sucks."
In my incredibly unenlightened position on love, I would have to say that not having a valentine wasn't that girl's problem. It was the fact that society has actually convinced her that not having a "valentine" 364 days a year is alright, but on Valentine's Day, it's completely against the social norm.
Thus unbelievable amounts of whining, complaining and all the ridiculous drama that some people live to create transforms into widespread depression.
Depression! Over a made-up thing that the likes of Hallmark and American Greetings have tricked everyone into believing is actually something about giving and receiving stuff instead of love.
If you're alone this Valentine's Day, and you're not getting or receiving any sloganized Teddy Bears, stop whining about it already. Instead try asking someone to hang out, just hang out that's all. It's not a wedding proposal - it's a chance to get to know someone you don't know very well.
However, if this is not up your alley, stay in on Valentine's Day instead of infecting friends with a personal pity party. Furthermore, if you're dateless and a well-intentioned friend has invited you to be a third wheel, don't bother them. Everyone knows you will be moping. Despite what they say, they do not want you to come.
Unless you know for sure that someone won't end up crying or making everyone else miserable, don't go out with all your fellow dateless buddies or a group of your girlfriends - that can only lead to disaster.
Instead I offer a simply solution, embrace the patheticism.
Light a candle, scatter some flower petals on your bed, put on some special Valentine's day apparel, listen to Boyz II Men's "I Miss You" while pathetically looking at pictures of an ex, buy a teddy bear that says "I love you" then give it to yourself, and don't forget to get a box of tissues to dab those tears, which at some point are sure to come.
Maybe you will then realize how stupid this whole Valentine's Day craze has really gotten, if not, at least you saved some money and got a good night's sleep. Next year you can try asking someone in advance, a cute little note always helps me to get a valentine.
p.s. - Will you be my valentine?
Yes
No
Maybe
