You have no taste

Ken Ilgunas is not accepting any "art is subjective" responses to this column because he thinks that argument is a load of horse sh**.

I am embarrassed with our school's taste in film. Upon talking with peers, checking out MySpace profiles, and reading Facebook's "Pulse" feature, it's discouraging to see what low-quality movies students commonly list as their favorites. I am uncomfortable with being in the same intellectual pool as people who believe that "Love, Actually" is the best our arts culture has to offer.

One's taste in film often directly corresponds to one's intelligence. Show me someone who says their favorite film is "Bad Boys 2" and I'll show someone who doesn't belong within arms-reach of Homo sapiens on the evolutionary chart.

For the cinematically challenged, I've compiled a list of 10 bad movies that people too commonly list under their "favorites."

10. Fight Club. Not a bad film, but easily the most overrated of the past half-century. Everyone thinks this movie is "intelligent" because we got duped with the final money shot. No one knew Edward Norton was Tyler Durden. No one. Surprise ending plus moderately entertaining beginning/middle does not equal the "film of our generation" as so many halfwits like to call it in their drunken pontifications at parties.

9. The Notebook. Any male with a secure hold on his sexuality cannot appreciate this film. "The Notebook's" intended audience is early-adult females who may still believe in the type of cookie-cutter love stories that author and mass-manipulator Nicholas Sparks cooks up with fluttering geese, boat rides on ponds and piano interludes.

8. Anchorman. The only somewhat-funny moment was Will Farrell's spontaneous office erection. The fact that the only scene I enjoyed hinged upon Farrell's upright anatomy is not only personally disturbing, but reveals a comedy absent of intelligence and taste, just like its many followers.

7. Modern Disney Cartoons. You girls need to grow out of this phase. Sure, it was fun to make-believe you'd end up looking like Ariel (minus the tail) and wake up next to a muscle-toned Aladdin look-a-like without a blade of hair on his ass, but by now, reality should have sunken in that life isn't a fairy tale, and that these movies are only suitable for pre-teens.

6. Memento. Purely a novelty that people like to slap on their "favorites list" to appear more arts savvy. In reverse or not, this is nothing special.

5. The Patriot. Portraying Mel Gibson as a plantation owner in 18th century South Carolina without slaves shows sheer disregard for historical accuracy. After Gibson's sons, barely older than toddlers, sniped off a regiment of British regulars, the film lost any chance of believability.

4. Wedding Crashers. Someone please tell me what is so funny about this movie?

3. Scarface. After finishing the rental, I took it out of the VCR, put it on the ground, said, "Say hello to my little friend!" and urinated all over this overrated trash. Luckily, Blockbuster never noticed. This is the perfect movie for people who like to act like apes in theaters - lots of blood, gore, drugs and sex to keep the hooting and hollering groundlings entertained.

2. The Last Samurai. This movie made me want to reach into the screen, grab Tom Cruise's katana, and castrate him with a swift samurai slice for copulating with the wife of the samurai he killed in battle. Bushido, my ass.

1. The Boondock Saints. Trash. Utter trash. This is the ultimate signifier of bad taste. This is the "in" movie because it's independent and violent. It gets a lot of respect from the lower-IQ bracket because jocks think listing this under their favorites gives them "indie-cred" while it just re-emphasizes their lack of taste, and adds another layer of stupid to their already thick head.

Honorable mentions: "Dirty Dancing," "The Princess Bride," "40-Year Old Virgin," every Ben Stiller movie (except "Zoolander").