Date Disaster

Watching the fat get sucked out of an character's butt and pumped into a container marked "mayo" doesn't exactly make for a romantic movie.

The filmmakers of "Date Movie," Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer, attempted to make a movie on which couples could compromise by combining raunchy with romance.

In addition to cutting and pasting scenes from classic chick flicks, it also contains over 20 different movie references from contemporary cinema. Given this past year's selection of terrible films, there were many ideas to choose from.

Julia Jones (Alyson Hannigan of "American Wedding") is an obese hip-hop dancer who tries to woo men with her "moves" while waddling down the street. Not only is this disturbing, but it's unnecessary.

Jones then goes to see a miniature version of Hitch (Tony Cox of "Bad Santa") who is at once a date doctor, OB/GYN and ordained priest. With his help she meets Grant Fonckyerdoder (Adam Campbell of "Commando Nanny") and they eventually get married. What else is to be expected?

The "Pimp My Ride" segment was especially grotesque. Instead of a car getting "the works," an obese woman is shown getting her back waxed, overgrown toenails buffed off, and her fat vacuumed. Remarks of "gross" will be uttered throughout movie theaters everywhere. Each spoof was taken one step too far.

The Jones family is of African-American, Greek, Indian, Japanese and Jewish heritage. The father Frank Jones (Eddie Griffin of "Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo") runs a Greek restaurant and insists that his daughter marries someone of the same descent, clearly parodying the family in "My Big Fat Greek Wedding."

The Fonckyerdoder family is an obvious facsimile of the Fockers from "Meet the Fockers." This family is obsessed with sex, going so far as giving their daughter-in-law a thermometer to tell her when she is ovulating. When the gift is given, the parents remark that the thermometer has been in the family for years and is "only lucky as long as you don't wash it."

"Date Movie" has to be one of the most unnecessary movies ever made. At least "Scary Movie" attempted to provide a plot, but "Date Movie" is patched together with random scenes, throwing in as many movie references as possible. This is Campbell's motion picture debut, but don't be surprised if it is his first and last movie.

Andy (Sophie Monk) is the classic "eye-candy" piece in the film. She is supposed to be the jealous ex-girlfriend, but really just prances around in string bikinis and slutty dresses with cleavage matched only by the vacant chasm between her ears. Like Campbell, this is Monk's debut, and she comes off as yet another pretty but untalented actress.

Michael Jackson (Edward Moss of "Scary Movie 3") provides the most humor of all cast members. He tries to lure a kid behind a dumpster, but then has the crap beaten out of him by the child's mother while he yells, "just a little Jesus juice!"

Other scenes, such as an old nosy neighbor making out with a pooping cat, the ring from "Lord of the Rings" being sold to a jeweler for $50, dodge balls flying around in flashbacks, and a shirt that reads "Don't Vote for Pedro" make this a ridiculous, eye-rolling, check-the-cell-phone-to-see-if-this-piece-of-crap-is-finished-yet film.