A Scientology Experience

I didn't know anything about Scientology. All I knew was that it was labeled a cult and that it was the driving force behind Tom Cruise's insanity. Aside from that, nothing.

To quench my curiosity, I set out on a mission of my own to the Church of Scientology in Buffalo for a little lesson in Scientology 101.

Like an innocent doe walking into the forest alone for the first time, I gave myself to the wolves, or in this case, the Scientologists-who may have been hungry for a college student without the protection of a religious affiliation.

I prepared myself for a spiritual coup d'?(c)tat, took a deep breath, and entered.

I had an appointment with the church president, Teresa Reile. Expecting some wild-eyed jittery fanatic, I was relieved to be greeted by a cordial and mild-mannered, attractive, middle-aged brunette.

Draped in a fur coat to fend off the airy briskness of the building, Reile gave me a tour while explaining the history and the precepts of the religion.

"You are a spirit, you are not a body," she told me. "Dianetics is what the soul is doing to the body through the mind."

As the tour proceeded I noted hundreds of L. Ron Hubbard books that lined the edges of the walls. Adding to the building's peculiarity were several flat-screen televisions in continuous play mode, multiple movie theatres complete with bowel-shaking sound systems, giant conference rooms, a chapel, a caf?(c), and even a 24-person sauna.

Yes, that's right. There was even a sauna.

Impressed, yet confused, I proceeded onward.

Upon seeing a poster of an "E-meter" with a class-A Aryan woman holding two metal cylinders that were hooked up to some sort of stress gauge, I immediately thought, "I have got to try this."

I tried out the E-Meter-a device that monitors the subject's spiritual state of change. She asked me to think of a painful memory and the needle sprung into action. She said it also responded to pain and proceeded to pinch my arm. Nothing happened, so I squeezed the cylinder so the needle would move in order to cease the pinching.

We sat down together to watch a 20-minute featurette on Tom Cruise, who fanatically spoke with his characteristic forehead vein gleaming dark blue. From my peripheral I could see Reile nodding in compliance with the Hollywood superstar.

While I thought the videos, posters, and the building were flamboyant and strange, their messages were down-to-earth and truthful. I wasn't pressured, brainwashed, nor were any beliefs pushed on me, despite how much my interviewee cherished them.

After the video, Reile educated me on the basics like the Church's opinions on drugs, strategies to perfect the mind, and methods to become a better person.

I was surprised to realize that I agreed with most of them. The precepts were positive in nature.

I didn't want to leave without taking the infamous "personality test," which is regarded by many as step one in the brainwashing process. Reile showed me one specimen's results before becoming a Scientologist and then his much-improved scores afterward.

For an hour, I took the 200-question test, which I had to answer on a "yes," "no," or "maybe" scale. With questions as a vague and as strange as "Is your voice monotonous, rather than varied in pitch?" or "Does an unexpected action cause your muscles to twitch," I could only expect disastrous results.

I failed. Miserably. Of the 10 personality traits evaluated, five of them fell below the dotted line, which meant that I needed "urgent attention." I was in dire need of some Scientology, it seemed.

My afternoon at the Church with Reile wasn't spent discussing aliens or other Scientology oddities and stereotypes. Rather, it was about how Scientology can help you so that you can help other people.

Upon taking a step inside the world of Scientology I dipped below the crust to get a peek at its outer-core, which appears as reasonable and legitimate as any religion. Though I couldn't probe the mysterious core where the so-called cults and oddities exist, I can only report on the positive experience I had on its outskirts.