Operation: Nipple Shield

Prepare yourself for the next war conducted by Congress, protecting the good people of the United States from themselves.

Steady yourself for the next big one: the War on Indecency.

The 1980s brought the War on Poverty and the War on Street Crime to American soil. In the '90s, it was the War on Drugs. So far, this century we've endured the War on Terror with the Patriot Act and once-average citizens calling themselves patriots.

And now this.

Nipplegate, the highly disproportionate moniker given to the 2004 Super Bowl halftime show featuring Janet Jackson's nipple shield, has roused such contempt in the heart of America that new standards are being created to censor television and radio, and surely in the near future, the rest of society as well.

The Federal Communications Commission has slapped Fox with fines upwards of a million dollars to tame the reality show "Married by America." CBS received a $550,000 fine for their showing of that infamous Janet Jackson halftime show. After receiving a hefty fine, radio shock-humor DJ Howard Stern, who has hardly shocked a reasonable person in about 10 years, has taken flight to satellite radio to avoid further FCC trauma.

To say nothing of the fact that every positive change legislators wish to bring about has to be labeled a "war," the War on Indecency is really just part of a larger issue, the re-emphasis of family values. Conservative America is desperate to maintain their foothold on a public growing less inhibited in their expression.

The FCC's attempts to lasso the gone-wild entertainment industry are misguided. Officials are at a loss as to a course of action that would bring about the sort of changes they wish to see in American family lifestyles.

They want to see a lower divorce rate. They want to see fewer school shootings, teen pregnancies and abortions and higher Sunday school attendance.

The obstacle they face is a way to directly influence people in their daily actions. The only method they've conceived to accomplish this goal is to censor the entertainment people take in with more ratings systems, stricter standards and guidelines, harsher penalties for straying outside these rules.

These are the same type of people who oppose high school sexual education. Anything to deny the reality that sex is not evil, not a vice, not a tool of Satan. Anything to deny the reality that any and all non-medical problems that arise in a child's life can only be traced back to one source: the parents.

The FCC has gone on their fine-happy tirade as a response to congressional pressure. Congress ought to be focusing on ways to make people better parents. Why aren't there parental education courses?

It's not just because it would be difficult to declare a person qualified to teach others how to parent, but also because people lack the courage to admit they need to be taught. Conference rooms, ready to enlighten, would be found facing nothing to teach but empty seats.

The overriding assumption in today's culture is, "If it was good enough for my generation, it's good enough for this one."

That mentality runs contrary to everything America is really about: improvement generation to generation. A higher rate of high school graduation, of college graduation, a higher percentage above the poverty line. A higher percentage of people who aren't afraid to admit their own shortcomings should be added to this list.

Until that addition is made, Congress will continue to lean on censoring agencies like the FCC to do what they think will make America more decent than it is today.

Section 2.13 of the Patriot Act grants the federal government the right to come into a U.S. citizen's home, to photograph and confiscate materials without notification. These search and seizure procedures are commonly known as "sneak and peak" searches. This is, as any reasonable mind would agree, a violation of the 4th Amendment, which outlines the right to privacy.

There's no telling what the War on Indecency could bring.