Summer seemed a little longer than usual this year. I wish I could say it was because I was having a ridiculously good time-which isn't all that false-but it simply is God's way of punishing me with anticipation.
For what?
Danza, Danza, Danza!
Now, I'm not a big television fan to start with, but "The Tony Danza Show," premiering September 13 in national syndication, may very well be the reason I didn't hyperventilate last Friday after the final episode of "The Late Late Show With Craig Kilborn" (more on that later). Craiggers, I'm going to miss the crap out of you, but let's face facts: Tony Miceli plus daytime television equals television gold. Heck, it may equal television platinum.
"Angerrrrrrrah!"
***
The Republican Party Web site-yeah, there really is one-is simply the best Internet location this side of those amazing G.I.Joe Public Service Announcements. It's just as ludicrous, too.
Remember that movie "Fahrenheit 9/11?" Yeah, it did okay at the box office. It was no "Angus," but what is? Well, according to www.gop.com, the Web site www.kerryoniraq.com surpassed the viewership for the opening weekend of Michael Moore's infamous documentary.
What they didn't tell you is that the Kerry on Iraq site took four weeks to exceed "Fahrenheit's" opening weekend total, and the Kerry on Iraq site is free.
See you in Canada November 3.
***
Three cheers for fat babies on Maury!
***
It is really interesting that you can't go for your master's degree in teaching with an undergraduate degree in psychology with a focus in child development, but you can with a degree in dance. Then again, Mr. Baryshnikov was a heck of an English teacher for me in first grade. He brang good grammer, I seen it first person.
***
Cycling is the new bro-mosh and spandex is the new black hoodie. If 22 isn't too late of a start, consider me the next Lance Armstrong.
***
The VANS Warped Tour at Darien Lake this summer had two of the more stupid ideas in recent history, and I'm not talking about the fact that people still go watch bands like Lars Frederickson and the Bastards play and pay $4.00 for bottled water.
Organizers decided to put down crushed stone on the ground in place of the standard dirt or grass. Although watching kids all bloodied up from "moshing" to Yellowcard and Good Charlotte is hilarious, it simply isn't safe.
Moment No. 2 was a product of the rock ground as well. When the human cannonball landed safely in the net, everyone cheered. No one cheered when one of the four 15-foot long metal support rods snapped from its base and took out a group of angry punks. Well, I mean I laughed, but at that point I knew that no one had died. Clearly this was an idea as lazy and ill-founded as any of Nietzsche's.
***
I miss when Savion Glover was cool.
***
Governor Arnold was simply mind-blowing at the Republican Convention last night. Not only did he use the word "terminator" and the phrase "I'll be back," but he started a chant of "four more years" that went onpainfully longer than it should've lasted.
Normally, it would've been bone-chilling for me to have to listen to anyone chant for four more years of presidential mishaps, but the Governator was too good to be true. I was in the other room for half of his speech, but I could hear him and that was enough.
Total ripping Recall.
***
The words "Clinton" and "recession" are pretty laughable together. Unless it's again the Republican Convention and you realize those elephants think they are being serious.
***
While I was interviewing TJ Zindle of the Last Conservative Monday night, he mentioned that he had attended a show by Sponge at the Evening Star in Niagara Falls this summer.
Naturally, a tangent ensued. Sponge, of "Molly" and "Wax Ecstatic" fame, was playing in the Falls for a handful of people? Ridiculous. I realize they have a new album and are far out of the limelight, but give a band fallen from grace a chance, Niagara. Especially since, on the American side, you are a city in the same situation. Western New York should support anything dealing with a downside.
***
81 days until UB Men's basketball goes into UCONN to open the basketball season. 80 days until the women begin. My, oh my, I'm all ready.
***
Back to Craiggers, his final episode had to be one of the top finales in television history. In the opening sequence alone, Kilborn saved a man from choking, caught a small kitten (in slow motion nonetheless) falling from the top of his bookshelf and made a wheelchair bound staff writer rise up and walk.
Over the course of his final two episodes, John Cleese flew in from England for his final interview, Morrissey was his final musical act and Will Ferrell, Adam West, Vince Vaughn and Nikki Ziering all made appearances.
The apparent closing sequence, which featured Craiggers dancing to "Love Rollercoaster" and winking goodbye was as classy as you'd expect from Kilborn, but what followed was more remarkable. We learned that Craiggers never ended up dying.
Goodbye to the finest anchor in late night history. Yeah, I said it.
