Sidelines

Reggie Witherspoon

In a not-so-shocking announcement by ESPN, UB Bulls basketball head coach Reggie Witherspoon was named the "Sexiest Man in Sports" for the year of 2004, edging out the likes of Derek Jeter, Chris Webber and Tom Brady.

Witherspoon's patented moves, "the jacket rip-off" and "the media table kick" were deemed "too hot to handle" by ESPN's judges. Those two sexy moves essentially locked up the title for first-time winner Witherspoon.

"Do I think I'm sexy?" asked Witherspoon. "Hell yeah, I do. Like I've always said man, if you've got it, flaunt it."

As for a jump to Hollywood after this declaration of sexiness, Witherspoon wasn't so sure.

"You know what, I might just be too sexy for those cats out there," said Witherspoon. "I'm a married man, I can't have the likes of J. Lo and Jennifer Anniston knocking on my door 24-7. If my wife saw me on one of those E! celebrity uncensored shows, she'd serve my head on a plate for dinner."

A close source reported that a deal may have also been struck with the women's entertainment magazine, Playgirl.

"Money talks, and you know what walks, my friend," said Witherspoon.

UB Stadium Renamed

A winner in the eleven-year bidding war for the naming rights to UB Stadium has finally been decided. The KY Jelly Corporation has won the battle and UB Stadium will now be known as KY Jelly Memorial Coliseum. The name change will be in effect for next season's home opener against Syracuse University.

KY beat out one of their biggest competitors, Astroglide Inc., with a 20-year, $101 deal, which will be paid out over a period of 30-years . Also in the bidding was the Tampax Company, which reportedly wanted UB to pay them, and PJ Bottoms, which realized that high school students don't go to UB games, as a result, it wouldn't meet their targeted demographic.

UB Basketball

In a controversial move, Sebastian Telfair, a high school senior guard from Brooklyn, NY, withdrew his commitment to Louisville, promised he wouldn't make the jump to the pros and accepted a scholarship to play for the UB men's basketball team.

Telfair, a first cousin of the New York Knicks' Stephon Marbury, is considered one of the country's top talents was expected to be a lottery pick in next year's draft, but pointed to coach Reggie Witherspoon's charisma and the hole left by the departure of Turner Battle to the draft as the reason he decided to come to UB.