3/23 An unknown student was reported masturbating in Lockwood Library.
3/23 George Pape, Anthony Burgio, and Jocelyn Tejeda were arrested and charged with arson for burning a large stack of undisclosed documents in 350 Student Union.
3/24 An unknown student was reported masturbating in Baldy Hall.
3/24 Five male students were referred to the SWJ for forming an NOSync cover band and performing on the Promenade without a permit.
3/24 An unknown student was reported masturbating in line at BertitoOs in Talbert Hall.
3/25 An unidentified superhero with a cape touched President John B. SimpsonOs rear end in Capen Hall.
3/25 A student in Park Hall refused first aid for a fractured spinal cord.
3/25 Katie Morgan and Seana OOMara were arrested and charged with brewing crystal meth in the pharmacy labs at Hochstetter Hall.
3/25 Three students were referred to the SWJ for not sharing their marijuana and alcohol.
3/25 An unknown student was reported masturbating in George PapeOs office in the Student Union.
3/26 Four students in Governors Complex who were lost in 1979 while trying to find the dining hall were found in Lehman Hall.
3/26 An unknown student was reported masturbating in Clemens Hall.
3/26 A fire in the Visions office in the Student Union that was supposed to be extinguished was allowed to burn indefinitely.
3/27 An unknown student was reported masturbating in Lake LaSalle.
3/27 Sabres forward Miroslav Satan was given two minutes for roughing in the Student Union.
3/27 An unknown student was reported masturbating in OOBrian Hall.
3/27 An RA in Red Jacket Quad was referred to the SWJ for being way too uptight and for being a nosy pain in the butt to her residents.
3/28 An unknown student was reported masturbating in the PutnamOs kitchen in the Student Union.
3/28 A pimped-out Buick Century in Jarvis B Lot was towed for being the one car you should never pimp out.
3/28 A campus police officer reported injuring his head, right shoulder, left ankle, Achilles heel, genitals, lymph nodes, liver, T-cell count and spleen after falling in Bissell Lot.
3/28 A female student in Spaulding Quad with stomach pains was told by campus police to Osuck it up.O
3/28 An unknown student was reported masturbating on center stage at the Center for the Arts.
3/28 An editor in The Spectrum office in the Student Union was taken to Erie County Medical CenterOs Comprehensive Psychiatric Emergency Program for evaluation.
3/28 An unattended cell phone and wallet with credit cards and $300 in cash was not stolen in the Student Union lobby, but instead was left with a note saying, OToo easy.O
3/29 An unknown student was taken to Erie County Medical Center for a head injury after falling off a toilet seat while masturbating in Diefendorf Hall.
3/29 Campus Police found The SpectrumOs stolen answering machine in the Generation office.
3/29 A vat of mayonnaise was stolen from the Kosher Deli in Talbert Hall and thrown at a passing bus on Lee Road.
3/29 An unknown student was reported masturbating at the scene of the fire in the Visions office in the Student Union.
3/30 The SA sign in front of the Student Union was reported as broken.
3/30 An unknown administrator was reported masturbating on the fifth floor of Capen Hall.
3/30 Two female students were referred to SWJ for vandalism for drawing graffiti on the Generation office door.
Photo: Courtesy of Laron Fomby
