Sometimes I'm hanging around with my friends and one of them will be like, "I've gone, like, almost four months without any girl action, man."
What are you supposed to say to something like that? I mean, I can understand and everything, 'cause I've had my share of dry spells. I got mono in high school and didn't even see my girlfriend for, like, two weeks. But honestly, I think that, in the verbatim sense, most guys are just not into the kinds of things smart chicks dig.
I was at the gym and this guy was talking to this girl and he said something like, "My roommate's such a dork, he sits around listening to Radiohead and writing e-mails to his ex-girlfriend." I mean, speaking from the perspective of someone who doesn't even like electronic music, that guy is just not tolerant of how other people live. It's like that Robert Frost poem; I mean, some people just take the street less traveled, and you just have to be cool with that.
My parents are always telling me, you know, I should keep my options open with classes and the stuff I learn, and a few semesters ago I actually took two classes not in my major, "Modern Poetry" and "Intro to Film Analysis." If anyone likes film, dude, it's me: I've seen "Caddyshack" about 45 times, and unlike most guys who put, like, liquor and girly pics on their walls, I have more "Braveheart" posters than you could imagine. And when I was in intro to communications class, sometimes I'd just write stuff in my notebook, and my friend's girlfriend Trish would look at it and say, "You should make those into a song or something," so poetry's a natural.
Taking those courses changed so much for me, and what I realized was that this is why my buds have problems with girls. It's cool that you and your boys did up Molly's Thursday, but girls want you to listen to them, even if you really don't care. This girl who's in my nutrition class was telling me about how she was having a fight with her boyfriend, who was going to Nevada or something for a marketing internship, and she wanted him to stay and work in Buffalo this summer.
I mean, this guy should definitely go to Nevada (Vegas, baby, Vegas!) for the big money, but then I remembered that poem by T.F. Elliott, the one where the girl's all sad 'cause she's pregnant and that guy who's in the mob is coming back soon. I told her about that, and she gave me this look like I must've really said something special. After she finished her third Long Island, we sat outside and talked about, like, what we were going to do for a living and what was really important in life and stuff.
Guys, if you're tired of meeting the same type of girl at the bars, the parties and everywhere, you should definitely take all those classes about writing and music and foreign people they have here. I know so much about poetry and weird writing that my friends call me "Joe Kerouac" now, and there has been no shortage of birds in the nest, if you know what I mean. I end up having to just sit and talk like, a lot more than I used to, but maybe that's a good thing, I mean, you can't be like Mr. Smooth all the time.
I recommend courses that have the words "Italian," "modern," and "analysis" in the title or description. As my friend found out though, you can't just go by magic departments like "art" or "English." My friend had the hots for this girl who was in his UB 101 class, and she left her registration window open at the library once, so he copied a number off her screen and signed up. Dude, he quit the class the first day after he asked the teacher if the squirrelly little guy in "Office Space" was named after the author they were studying (I think it was Shakespeare or something).
I guarantee you'll have better success if you just stick to the basics and write down some good things to quote later. Like they say, the life not looked at is not worth doing.
