As I sat around the dining room table at Thanksgiving this year, I had an epiphany that turned out to be larger than the golden brown turkey in front of me. All those younger-years memories flooded back to me until I realized: my mother was always there. She put her life on hold to make sure that my brother and I had a conventional "stay at home Mom," when she could have easily returned to work to pursue her career in chemical engineering.
Needless to say, my childhood memories are richly sweet with visions of my brother and I eating grilled cheese and Campbell's chicken noodle soup while watching "Sesame Street" and "Mr. Roger's Neighborhood." They are shopping excursions with my mother to the local grocery store, where we learned that taste testing a Brach's candy was still stealing, but it was ok if Mom were there to protect us.
As I approach my graduation from UB, I also approach motherhood. Things nowadays are very different than they were when my mother first became a mother. People could survive being a one-income household. Moms would stay at home with their babies until they became toddlers or even until they became goofy-looking middle school kids with braces and glasses. It saddens me that things can't be that simple anymore. Even if I wanted to do the same for my future daughter/son, it's nearly impossible given the amount of money it takes to maintain a family these days. One income, for most, does not even begin to cover the many expenses of supporting three people.
Certainly, as a female, I can appreciate the expanding role of women in the workplace as both intellectual and managerial leaders. The pressing question, though, is what has two parents being at work during the day done to the children? If parents were more intensely involved in the earlier stages of growing up, would children then have better morals and standards for themselves and others?
Things are uncertain for the next generation of parents. Even with a collegiate degree, I continue to swim in an exponential amount of confusion. I can write term papers, research proposals, and give critical analyses on literature works, but can I instill in a child that stealing and cheating are not "right?" Is the task made more difficult now that I will be forced to be just as active in the workplace as I will be in my child's life?
I suspect that some parents have been successful in raising their children to be very well adjusted to two working parents. I'm only concerned that the choice to be a "stay at home Mom" (or "stay at home Dad") is becoming a dwindling option for our society. Daycare has come a long way and there are qualified men and women who enjoy "babysitting" children while their parents are at work. Should parents rely on daycare aides to teach their children moral lessons? Isn't it common sense to want to instill your own values in your child and not someone else's?
Uncertainty plagues me as I honor what my mother was able to do for me. Maybe it really is getting more difficult to raise children in this society. Maybe each generation becomes jaded with some kind of idea that makes us believe our parents had it easier than we do. Either way I wish I could have the option of watching "Sesame Street" with my child while we eat Campbell's chicken noodle soup and grilled cheese. Mostly, I hope that whatever I need to do to keep my "household" afloat does not conflict with teaching my child the important morals and values that were so lovingly passed on to me by my parents.
This Thanksgiving, I thanked my Mom for a job well done, in anticipation that one day my child might say the same to me.
