It's Miller Time



A 300-hundred pound gorilla - that is what Dennis Miller refers to himself as on his critically acclaimed and five-time Emmy Award-winning live talk show, HBO's "Dennis Miller Live," now in its seventh season.

Dennis Miller has emerged as one of today's premier comedy talents in America. His three books, "The Rants," "Ranting Again" and "I Rant, Therefore I Am," have made him a best-selling author.

As every good Miller fan knows, the "rants" are his well thought-out and often true points of view on the faults and blunders of American politics on any given week or any other topic he deems of national importance. Of course that's just his opinion. He might be wrong.

Miller is now in his second season on ABC's "Monday Night Football," where he joined veteran commentators Al Michaels and Hall-of-Famer Dan Fouts. Many people, to my surprise, were against Miller's addition to the team.

Being a huge fan of both "Dennis Miller Live" and "Monday Night Football," I felt that he would bring to the table exactly what the show was missing - lively and fresh interaction in the booth.

Now you have to admit Al and Danny-boy were definitely falling into a routine. It was getting dull. However, being the big football fans that we are, we can call the game ourselves, not really paying to close attention to Dan and Al. This allotted us the privilege of blasting music in the background for our weekly Monday football parties.

ABC obviously had their eyes open to the dwindling number of Monday night viewers and acted appropriately by bringing Miller into the booth. Granted, the lack of experience Miller had in professional football commentary created a genuine argument on whether or not he'd be good at it.

He has the genuine knowledge of the game that is possessed by every single hardnosed football fan out there, and he feeds well off of Dan and Al, along with his Emmy Award-winning quick wit. How could the ratings do anything but soar through the roof?

That's exactly what happened. People wanted to see if he could cut it as a broadcaster. The debate grew to such an extent it was a point of focus in the national news for a number of weeks. People were beginning to listen to the commentary during the game and turned down their stereos to see what Miller had to say.

There are times during games where play is stopped, for whatever reason. Who better than a comedian, someone whom brings joy and laughter to our lives, to say something funny? Don't make yourself a miserable sports fan because you cannot believe that a well-respected comedian has come into one of America's favorite rituals to lighten you up.

I actually have a few of Miller's one-liners from last season's "Monday Night Football" for your enjoyment. Do me this one little favor - just read them and think about their meanings and laugh because they are seriously funny. If you are a Miller hater, this will help to inspire you to give him a second look and actually begin to enjoy his humor on Monday nights:

"The new owner of the New York Jets is Woody Johnson. The New England Patriots have a second-year center named Damien Woody. So Al, as is often the case in life, what it's probably gonna come down to is who has the better Woody."

Referring to Tennessee Titans' owner Bud Adams' hair: "The field is real grass - do you think that was artificial turf we saw there?"

"Everybody's worried about me using profanity - the only F-word I might say a lot this year is 'Faulk.'"

On a shot of Rocket Ismail on his stomach on the sideline getting his hamstring massaged by a trainer: "You know when I was a young man, you didn't see the on-field prostate test."