I'm exhausted from watching the females in my life continually dig themselves into holes they can't get out of. I don't enjoy seeing girls lose all sense of themselves and what is logical in the pursuit of relationship, or mistreating the relationship they're already in.
Maybe it's because I was basically raised by three men that I see things from a perspective other ladies can't seem to grasp - but girls, listen up because these are the top five things you need to stop doing.
That's a text message, not a piece of Freudian psychoanalysis.
I understand the allure of text messaging. It takes a lot of the anxiety out of flirting. You have a moment to collect your thoughts, to say something witty. But when you're embarking a flirtatious series of text messages - you can't let yourself go crazy trying to analyze, "what he must have meant by that."
Most times, if a guy tells you he isn't sure if he's free Sunday, it's because he isn't sure if he's free Sunday. I've seen girls work themselves into a fluster, sending me screenshots of conversations they've had with a guy they like, asking me what I think he meant by answering with "OK." Sometimes, he really is just OK. Sometimes he's not sure if his tentative plans with his parents will pan out. It doesn't mean he's hooking up with other girls or that he has suddenly dropped all interest he has in you. I've seen girls analyze text messages harder than I analyze my literary criticism homework.
Don't stress out over a text he probably sent you from the toilet. Judge his intent by how you interact in person. Words are powerful, but don't let a text ruin your day just because you're convinced it must have a deeper meaning.
Your phone should not serve as an archive of past relationships.
iPhones have a ridiculous amount of memory, but that doesn't mean you should use it to save text messages from a guy you stopped talking to eight months ago. Don't use your cellphone to live in the past. It's probably one of the most self-destructive post-breakup things you could indulge in.
You're just getting over the I-didn't-have-a-Valentine slump. The Notebook is on. You remember what it was like to be in a relationship. You get depressed, and as you're reaching for the ice cream, you reach for your phone, too. You locate the name all the way at the bottom of your conversation list, flip past the awkward post-breakup texts and find the real adorable crap from before things went sour.
Congratulations. Welcome to a seemingly endless shame spiral. You made yourself feel about 20 times more horrible in record time. Breakups are tough. But when the tie has been severed, clean out your whole life - including your phone.
"Does this make me look fat?"
Six words no guy ever wants to hear. So stop asking. I think being confident is the most attractive quality anyone can possess. But dropping that phrase screams insecurities. There is no good way for the situation to play out.
What if you've actually gained some weight? Why are you forcing him to comment on something you're not comfortable with yourself? Your guy doesn't want to lie. He doesn't want to make you feel bad. Why are you setting yourself up to look needy?
In most cases - you're not fat. You know you're not fat. Your grandma knows you're not fat. He knows you're not fat. Stop reaching for compliments. Don't put yourself down just to force someone else to push you back up.
Hold on to some of your cards.
Sex doesn't equate to love. If you're really into a guy, jumping into his bed after the first date isn't going to amplify his desire to be in a relationship with you. It will probably destroy it. There is no exact science or right time to have sex - it varies in each relationship. But if you want a guy to truly get to know you, stop setting yourself up to viewed solely as a sexual object. You're probably funny and charming, but all that can get lost in a scuttle to the bed sheets.
You should be your own first love.
I know it's corny and clich?(c) - but I mean it. Being single doesn't mean you're undesirable. It doesn't mean you're never going to find love. Honey Boo Boo's mom found love - you got this.
Stop measuring your self worth on whether or not you're in a successful relationship. The amount of self-loathing I see girls drop on themselves when they're single makes me sick. The validation of how awesome you are should come from yourself. While I'm sure being in love is all sorts of fantastic, if you're constantly looking for someone else to give you a sense of value, you'll never realize how valuable you actually are.
Email: sara.dinatale@ubspectrum.com
Photo: Breadchastick / Wikimedia Commons
