Joseph Wojnowski, a sophomore history major, calls himself the reigning king of his local McDonald's back drive-thru. With that title comes knowledge of fast food culture - including the frisky things that can happen in the backroom freezer.
When two McDonald's managers hooked up in the freezer, the end result was a McBun in the oven that broke up a marriage.
"The guy manager was married, got [the female manager] pregnant from the freezer sex, broke up with his wife, and now they're together but manage at different McDonald's," Wojnowski explained.
He has a list of quirky bits of information and funny stories that have come from his three years working at McDonald's - but he's not alone. It's universal for most students who have logged hours in the food industry to pay their way through college. Whether it is Dunkin' Donuts, Panera Bread or a family operated deli - employees all have their own stories to share about what it's really like to work in food.
Irate costumers have hurled shoes at workers' heads, people have taken their trip through the drive-thru as the ample time to start foreplay in the backseat and it only takes 45 seconds to cook a normal McDonald's hamburger - 55 for a quarter pounder.
For Wojnowski, the weirdest thing he's heard of or seen wasn't the woman who came in every day to steal the straws and napkins nor the individual who managed to smuggle the huge ketchup dispenser in the dining room out of the restaurant - it was the illegal immigrant found living in a storage shed.
The man was sleeping in the shed by the dumpsters - among brooms and shovels - at Wojnowski's store owner's other McDonald's location. Police were called to remove the man.
Wojnowski shook his head and laughed, "It was the weirdest thing ever."
Jessica LaPiano, a sophomore pharmacology major, spent the summer before her freshman year of college pouring coffee at a local Dunkin' Donuts. LaPiano quit after six months of struggling with what she described as poor and messy management - specifically her store manager.
"My manager was a nightmare to say the least," LaPiano said. "She was just a gross person. You could smell her when she came in ... [the staff] questioned whether or not she showered."
When the manager wasn't using the sinks in the bathroom to wash her hair, she was sleeping in a lounge - during store hours - designated for customers, LaPiano said.
LaPiano cited the poor management as why she quit but laughed recounting her most shocking encounter while working the drive-thru.
Around 9:30 p.m., shortly before close, her headset beeped and she took a seemingly normal order of a medium coffee from a young woman.
"But when they pulled around and I went to get her card from her, in her backseat there was a couple making out, and [they] literally just started taking each other's clothes off," LaPiano said. "They were just going at it, completely oblivious, coming through the drive-thru, ordering a coffee."
LaPiano was amazed the couple couldn't contain themselves while the driver, who was ignoring what was going on behind her, came through to get her order.
But what really sticks with LaPiano from her days at Dunkin' Donuts is her feelings about its food.
She found a few-month-old egg patty when cleaning up a food station - its appearance alarmed her. She noticed the color hadn't changed; it was slightly shriveled up, but no mold had grown on it.
Put off by the amount of preservatives that she feels must be in all the products, LaPiano - now a happy employee of a local Panera Bread - vowed to never eat anything from Dunkin' Donuts again. Wojnowski, however, could not live without his McDoubles and fries.
Wojnowski is trained to work every position at McDonald's, including the grill. He also spends most his shifts closing, meaning he is tasked with cleaning out the grill's grease trap. He said the brownish sludge that comes out of the grease trap looks "like a giant tub of Vaseline but grosser."
Shocking to some, Wojnowski not only loves his job, but he loves the food, too.
"People always ask me like, 'You make the McDonald's food. Do you still eat it?'" Wojnowski smiled and answered the self-proposed question assertively, "Yes. It's absolutely delicious. How could I not?"
Amanda Ramia, a Master's student in education, stands on the opposite end of the food spectrum from chains like McDonald's; she is an advocate of fresh ingredients. She and her parents own a deli downtown that serves Lebanese and American food - they specialize in homemade soups.
While almost everything McDonald's serves comes frozen and goes straight to the fryer without being thawed first, Ramia's deli prepares its food from scratch - something she said a lot of people may not be used to seeing.
"I don't think people are accustomed to seeing fresh and real ingredients in some soups," Ramia explained. One time, a costumer even returned a chicken soup when she found what she identified as a piece of rubber within it. Ramia had to explain to the guest it was actually a cinnamon stick and a part of their recipe.
Since Ramia and her parents opened Sue's N.Y. Deliseven years ago, when Ramia was sophomore in college, she has watched their supportive customer base grow. But she admits, near the beginning, the store did have at least one brush with an irate customer.
When a female customer was unsatisfied with her order, she started to "try to start trouble," according to Ramia. The customer's anger escalated quickly after being asked to leave the deli.
She responded to the request by tearing off her shoe and throwing it at Ramia and the others behind the counter.
"Before I knew it, I saw a shoe flying at us," Ramia said. "She actually ended up walking out of the restaurant with only one shoe on - kind of limping out."
Ramia stressed instances like these are rare, and Wojnowski agreed the idea food service is constantly plagued with people fumingly overacting is a misconception. He recalled customers like Doreen, who drove up regularly in her white Chevy Malibu to order a cookie and a cup of water in the drive-thru. People working would crowd the window to greet the beloved customer, who was always smiling and always paid in exact change.
Still, Ramia, Wojnowski and LaPiano agree people are always going to be particular with their food.
"I think that's the hardest thing to learn in food, that no matter how wrong the customer is, they're actually right when it comes to what they want," LaPiano said.
The three also agree that a lot of people seem to naturally carry a negative connotation toward those who work in food. Ramia disagrees with those who slate food service as an easy job. She said if food industry jobs are being done correctly, they require a lot of planning and skill - something she especially experiences as a business owner.
Wojnowski knows a lot of people think food workers - McDonald's workers especially - are "miserable, low-wage, not-capable-of-anything" employees. But Wojnowski explained that's not him at all.
"I'm a college student at UB, but I love working at McDonald's for some reason," he said. "We call ourselves the 'McFamily.' We're all friends, and people think everyone hates working here ... [but] if you can join the 'McFamily,' you can love McDonald's."
LaPiano and Wojnowski are currently on academic leaves from their respective jobs. They both expect to return to their lives behind the counter once classes end for summer.
Wojnowski has one request to those who may spot him at the golden arches in a few months: come to the drive-thru knowing exactly what you want.
"Not knowing what you want at McDonald's is the biggest deal in the world," he said.
Email: news@ubspectrum.com
Photo: Breadchastick / Wikimedia Commons
