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Sunday, May 19, 2024
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LYZI WHITE


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NEWS

Nothing But Bull

Veronica Hardy, a freshman geology major, was shocked and dismayed when her floormate, with whom she was having sexual relations, sent the naked pictures she sent him that he said he wouldn't show a soul to their entire dorm. She didn't understand why Ron Kestler, a freshman undecided major, would betray her trust and the "wonderful and strong relationship of two weeks." Kestler didn't understand why she was upset, as most of the boys came to the general consensus that Hardy was "pretty attractive, definitely a sober five; probably a drunk eight." Her neighbors' approval did not alleviate Hardy's sadness. "I just can't fathom why the guy I totally fell for two weeks ago would take my personal pictures that I sent to him in confidence and send them to other people," Hardy said.


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Nothing But Bull

UB has just released breaking news: The school has now, definitely, set into motion the plan to form a group of people to plan the plan of the UB 2020 plan. This move takes them in an almost completely 180-degree change from their preexisting plan - taking bets on how long they could do nothing before people started to catch on. So after years of making up random speeches and announcements about the school's UB 2020 plan, executive board member Maurice Hampton has finally come out with the most definitive plan to date.


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Kelly Stone once walked in on her son attempting to insert a tampon into his butt. Her son knew what a tampon was and what it was used for - that it was for his mother's


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Sexcapades

Robert Allen*, a senior nursing major, lost his virginity when he was 19 years old. Now 21, Allen has participated in two orgies with two different groups of people.


The Spectrum
NEWS

Nothing But Bull

Carolyn Molina, a sophomore English major, spent the majority of her Saturday night dropping obvious clues about her discomfort, dismay and overall annoyance about her living situation, while her roommate and her roommate's boyfriend made out and blissfully ignored Molina's general well being.


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