The first time he asked me out on a date, I said 'no.' I said my mind wouldn't change. I didn't agree with the words coming out of my own mouth, but I thought to myself: "The poor kid just isn't going to understand - he isn't part of the plan."
He felt like the antithesis of the plan. He couldn't possibly understand that I had my summer mapped out, and a relationship was never part of the equation.
But plans don't always need to be so rigid. The scenic route can still lead you to the same destination.
You should view college in the same way. If you never take a chance, you could miss out on one of the best things that has ever happened to you.
Sometimes the comfortable decision is the bad decision. Sometimes the risk is worth it.
But the comfortable decision facing me this summer before my junior year was to rock my internship at the local newspaper, write a lot, take a summer class and to, yes, join a gym. I didn't want to date. I didn't want the added complication I assumed a relationship would bring.
There's a balance worth finding, but in school we are trained to formulate plans. And I know that many of you - I mean you freshmen - probably have the next four years of your lives outlined. Many of you picked UB for a specific program; many of you will wind up leaving that program.
If you have your college experience mapped out - great. Maybe you're in the perfect major. Maybe you're going to graduate summa cum laude and be thankful you stuck to the plan your guidance counselor helped you make when you were applying to colleges.
But life happens.
It sneaks up on you. It stares you straight in the face when you're sitting in a parked car and asks you on a date.
And if you're like me, your gut is going to tell you to say 'no.' You're going to pad your bad decision, your lack of willingness to take risks, with reassurances that you are doing the "smart" thing.
Now, my plan has changed, but it's not all that different. A boyfriend didn't counteract my deep-seated drive to work hard this summer. But I was scared of change.
Take a mental snapshot of yourself right now, because you aren't going to be the same person in a year. Your freshman year of college is going to change you - your sophomore year, too. Tomorrow could be the day something strikes you that totally changes your course.
So, to stick to a plan - even if it's one heavily endorsed by your parents - that you created when you were a senior in high school can wind up being pretty foolish.
It's good to have a direction. I've wanted to be a journalist since I was a sophomore in high school. My destination hasn't changed, but my journey to that goal changes every day. There is no foolproof formula to success. You need to always work your hardest, but the unexpected might show up on your doorstep with a sunflower and a big heart.
Don't run away from what you don't understand at first.
You're bound to make some mistakes. It wouldn't be taking a risk if there weren't possible negative consequences looming in the background.
But in college, you're encouraged to mess up, try things out and learn the kind of life lessons that can't be taught in the classroom. You need to figure how to be a functional adult and cowering away from the unfamiliar is going to minimize your growth as a person.
I could be doing crunches alone in a gym, but instead I'm taking bike rides in Delaware Park with someone I really care about. You can't plan for that to happen. And life's greatest rewards seem to pop up when we least expect them to.
Plans are good, but living life is better.
You don't have it all figured out, I promise. But that's totally fine. No one does, myself included.
Email: sara.dinatale@ubspectrum.com
