Those of you who are musically inclined - you've captured my heart one too many times.
I have a habit of falling victim to the same kind of guy over and over again. I'm a sucker for the creative types. I have a weakness for fellow writers, especially if they're able to put their words to a sweet melody.
I'm not a relationship god. I'm no dating guru. But the majority of my romantic endeavors, both casual and serious, have involved musicians.
From the ones who never took their guitars outside their bedrooms to the ones who sang in choral ensembles or the ones who had their own marginally successful bands - I've had my fair share of experience. None of them ended well.
So trust me when I say this: don't date musicians.
I've also seen friends suffer through the "I'm dating a musician" perils. It's seldom ever an easy road.
Sometimes they're very talented. Sometimes they really suck. Bad musicians aren't necessarily the worst to date, but they're usually the most awkward.
The problem comes when they start writing their own songs, and they're awful.
There is no nice way to tell someone you just started seeing you think it's best they don't go for that open mic night next weekend. Or, perhaps, this musician already has a band and a completely inflated understanding of how good they really sound.
"Oh yes dear, that screamo-Michael Jackson vibe you guys are trying is totally working. Innovative, really."
But don't think your troubles stop if you actually nab yourself one of the talented fellas. The ones who write lyrics with meaning and construct catchy melodies - that's the real trouble.
Writers, like myself, keep journals like musicians keep songbooks. I never would bring my journal to a date. I would never implore a boyfriend to read through my thoughts on past relationships. That would be crazy. But every serious musician is passionate. Chances are they will introduce you to their music shortly after you're introduced to them.
Boom. There it is. Their entire relationship history as told through .mp3 files.
You're either going to hear about how tough their break up was, how they're not over their ex or how perfect some lady is who is not you. Bonus points if they write a song that's clearly about their ex while you're together. Precious.
But because you like this person, you're going to listen to these songs. You're going to sing and dance to them at concerts. They're going to get stuck in your head.
Their songs exist as public record of their past romances. Try putting them out of your mind - you won't be able to. It's like you know too much too soon.
And even when the relationship is over, the songs will still be there. They will stay in your head when you don't want them there. All the files that were continually being emailed to you throughout your relationship will be saved in your iTunes library. Even after thinking you've deleted them all, one will pop up while you're listening to music on shuffle in your car. Your iPod will be out of reach. And you will sit there torturing yourself, because flicking off the volume didn't cross your mind as a possible option.
Song writing itself brings a whole other load of problems.
There is something alluring and terrifying about having a song written about you. In theory, it sounds great. Like your love is being immortalized forever on a SoundCloud page and everyone will know how perfect the two of you are. But what if that song never comes? Your sane and rational mind tells you you can't get mad, but you really just want to ask, "Where is my damn song?"
And sometimes you'll get your song ... after a messy breakup. No one wants to be the plotline of a Taylor Swift record.
But behind every breakup song is a story. It's a different world when that story could be you.
But every musician likely started as a bedroom musician, the ones who do music as a hobby on the side. They're usually sweet and endearing. They will shyly play you a Beatles cover song that will make your heart melt - they're opening up to you and being vulnerable. It doesn't matter if it sounds like they're gargling with gravel; you appreciate the sweet thought.
When that musician graduates onto "bigger things" or becomes a "bigger douchebag" - it can be rough.
But I mean, what the hell. If you want to date a musician, go for it. I never take my own advice anyway.
Email: sara.dinatale@ubspectrum.com
