My Name is Amanda

Amanda Jonas

As I am leaving UB and entering the next phase of my life, I feel like this is the perfect opportunity to admit to a few things and apologize to the appropriate people, because frankly, it's too late now for the university to stop me from graduating, and I could use a little good karma.

My freshman year at UB I was walking through the bus loop after an early morning crew practice, and got hit full speed by a car.

As I trudged in my grey head-to-toe sweatpants in front of a Stampede bus moments earlier, I glanced over my left shoulder to see a car heading right toward me. I smashed against the front of the car and saw my life, short as it was, flash before my eyes.

Lucky for me, the accident happened at a prime time on North Campus. That was sarcasm, in case you didn't catch it.

As a frantic bus driver, who witnessed the accident, shouted "Hell nah, dat did not just happen" at the top of her lungs, and five UB Police Department cars blocked off the bus loop, I was carted away on a stretcher and into an ambulance as hundreds of students entered the Student Union just in time to witness the most embarrassing moment of my life.

I remember realizing just how bad the situation was when the paramedic forcibly strapped me down and offered me a blanket.

At first, I rejected the offer because I was already hot enough from the seven layers I was wearing from crew practice that morning.

Then I reconsidered my original answer and said, "Yes, I would love a blanket. Put it over my face please."

So I would like to publically take this opportunity to apologize to the all the students who thought they saw a corpse getting wheeled out of the loop.

That was actually me, and thankfully, I am not dead yet.

I would also like to apologize to the men's crew team. Although it was initially your stupidity in allowing someone who could not swim nor drive a car to steer one of your fancy boats, it was my bad for ruining your boat (twice) and for putting your lives in danger. I think I cost you guys about $20,000 in damage. For this I am sorry.

Sorry to all the Campus Dining and Shops employees who I have lied to over the years to get into the dining halls. I think most of you were already wise to my "I just came back from the bathroom" excuse for not having my UB card. The truth is that most of the time I was too lazy and too scared of the geese who congregated outside of Spaulding to go back up to my dorm to get my card.

To the boy who looked like Jonathan Taylor Thomas who lived on my floor freshman year, I lied to you about liking Incubus to get you to like me. In actuality, I had never heard of Incubus before, and when I did finally listen to it, it was the worst crap I had ever heard.

I feel much better after getting this all off of my chest. Bring on the good karma, and UB Libraries…four years and you have still not noticed the book that I never returned. It's mine now.