Stretch it out

Exact numbers are hard to come across, but the yet to be counted absentee ballots from South Campus means the SA election of 2006 continues. The slim lead enjoyed by the UB Advocates' presidential ticket of Viqar Hussain and Leslie Meister might vary well hold up, but until every vote is counted, coronation will have to wait.

UB's South Campus has a heavy military presence in comparison to the North, and many of those who serve used the seldom-noticed provision in the SA voter reform act passed in response to last year's contested election in mailing their vote. South Campus' military recruiter office says many UB recruits are overseas fighting the enemy there, so we don't have to fight them here. And those doing so shouldn't be punished by not having their vote count. We agree. Are they to fight the evildoers and SA electioneers at the same time?

Bill Sherlock, Chief Justice of the Student-wide Judiciary, will have to make a ruling soon on when the window for absentee ballot counting should close. Greg Rhoads, UB Progress campaign manager, has received unconfirmed reports his presidential candidate, Greg Stern, has been drunk for 72 straight hours since being prematurely informed of his "loss." Rhoades needs a timetable so his guy can sober up if he wins.

Even more important than confirming the winner of this year's elections: the tight race for last place has left the student body wondering whom to blame for "Naderizing" the contest. Currently, the delegate tally finds Miller and Luddy separated by only two votes, so counting every absentee ballot is crucial in establishing who is put in The Spectrum's scornful crosshairs.

To be honest, we'd love to see it drawn out - if SWJ takes as long to resolve this issue as it did to address Mazin-gate, The Spectrum will have a full year's worth of stories picked for it in advance, making it easy on us lazy English majors.

The forgetful American

Forgetfulness equals happiness for the Iraq War

Anti-Iraq War types have long compared the struggle to the Vietnam Conflict, but they are way off base. The attack is shaping up to more resemble America's forgotten war - the Korean War - and that might be the best thing for the country. It's become obvious George W. Bush is hoping the conflict resembles our ongoing 56-year effort in Korea, a testament of American endurance.

You didn't know the U.S. is still at war with Korea? You should - with some of the U.S. military's most active international bases and an active role in policing the Demilitarized Zone, the Korean War is the longest-running conflict in American history. The conflict began under President Truman, but continued under Presidents Eisenhower through the current Bush, and the U.S. has not abandoned efforts yet. The fact that North Korea has been on the U.S.'s Axis of Evil for over 50 years eludes most Americans, and offers an excellent template for George W. Bush's plan in Iraq: reach a stalemate and let it fade out of public consciousness.

Many people question why Kim Jong-Il was not Bush's primary target when North Korea announced nuclear capabilities, but few realize how worthy an adversary the dictator is. The cagy Jong-Il may be perceived as slightly mad, with his love of Broadway show tunes and Michael Jackson, but few realize what kind of genius it takes to keep the American military at bay for so long. Through tactics of cross-dressing, outsourcing and puppetry, Jong-Il has been a constant thorn in the side of the U.S. presidency, so much so that the CIA has an entire branch devoted to suppressing how Jong-Il has embarrassed us, from the infamous Nixon mask routine that resulted in the Watergate scandal to the dirty cigar trick he pulled on Clinton.

Saddam Hussein has proven to be just as worthy, with such tricks as his patented "Scooter leak" to his genius manipulation of Dick Cheney in February's "Shoot 'em Up" affair. That is why the Korean War is such a good example - sure we didn't exactly win, but no one in America knows that. The same holds true in Iraq: we probably won't completely win, but if you ignore the problem, it'll eventually go away.