"Distinguished Speakers Fall 2003: Jenna Jameson, R. Kelly and Terry Bradshaw"

Best known for her titillating work in such films as "Up and Cummers 10," "Hard Evidence" and "Philmore Butts Taking Care of Business," adult film star Jenna Jameson will headline UB's 17th Annual Distinguished Speakers Series.

According to William J. Regan, director of conferences and special events, he and Student Association President Christian Oliver actively polled students this spring to gauge their interests.

"Basically, we just hit up Governors on the weekend and pretty much the overwhelming response from the students there was for Jenna," said Regan. "And I told them, 'Cool,' and they said 'Word,' and I said, 'Cool,' and they said, 'For shizzle.' I didn't know what they were talking about so I replied, 'Ice, ice baby.'"

For Oliver, Jameson's induction into UB's revered line of distinguished speakers represents a welcome change of pace.

"I was proud with this year's line-up, but me and Bill agreed that we really should try to reach out to the students. I mean, come on. Bill Bradley is speaking on April 23. File that under 'I don't care,'" Oliver said.

UB is also looking into securing indicted R&B singer R. Kelly and former Pittsburgh Steelers superstar quarterback turned hick 10-10-220 telephone pitchman, Terry Bradshaw.

President William R. Greiner personally supported the push to bring the singer to UB, despite his pending statutory rape case. Citing Bill Clinton as last year's student choice speaker, Greiner said,

"The floodgates are now open, and I'll bring anyone I damn well please."

Touting that Kelly is the Marvin Gaye of the 1990s, the president dismissed the current controversy surrounding the singer.

"Yeah, well, even the best of us f---s up every now and then," said Greiner.

Regan is actively seeking Bradshaw's invitation for his four Super Bowl victories. Oliver, however, was not aware Bradshaw was a football player, but said, "he gives Carrot Top a run for his money."

"Watching his success is kind of like watching that special ed(ucation) kid get a job at McDonald's. You can't help but feel inspired," said Oliver regarding Bradshaw. "Overall, I'd say fall's line-up is feeling hot. It's hot like Andy Dick in tighty-whiteys. It's hot like your mom."