When I entered middle school at age 12, I was concerned about passing my math test, getting into the school musical — and hiding the fact that I had boobs.
My classmates and I were taught that boobs are inherently sexual, something we needed to cover. So that’s what we did. I didn’t buy cute tops at Target because you’d see that I had lumps of fat on my chest.
I didn’t stop hating the fact that I had bigger boobs until I was a senior in high school. But my mom wasn’t a fan of this newfound confidence. She told me wearing more revealing tops was “wrong” and “weird” during our many morning arguments before school.
My mom can’t pressure me in college, but now I have the opposite problem: slut-shaming from my friends.
Slut-shaming is accusing someone of being “too sexual” and using that as grounds to insult, harass or bully them. This can look like demeaning someone for wearing “revealing” clothes, making fun of someone for having sex and/or blaming victims of sexual assault. Women and girls are typically the victims of this type of harassment.
My body and relationships were used as punchlines for jokes.
“Why don’t you just show them your boobs to get them to let us in?” some of my friends would say.
They were laughing, but I wasn’t. Jokes like this imply that because I have boobs and don’t find shame in showing cleavage, I somehow would feel comfortable showing my boobs for favors.
I think this is all coming from immaturity around bodies. The people who crack these jokes aren’t trying to objectify women or be malicious. They just still view sex and sexualized things as funny, like a middle schooler does.
Maturity means you see these things as more than the butt of a joke. Sex is supposed to be something enjoyable, something fun. It can be funny and silly. But at the end of the day, it’s something two (or more) consenting adults do to feel pleasure and connection. It shouldn’t be frowned upon.
These principles apply to our bodies as well. Bodies aren’t inherently sexual, and they shouldn’t be treated as such. We all — teenagers especially — should be able to wear whatever makes us feel cute and comfortable without the fear of being judged. Wearing a top that shows skin shouldn’t be deemed sexual at any age. Sometimes when you have larger boobs, certain tops seem more “scandalous” than they are because of the way they fit.
That’s not to say that we can’t laugh about sex. My friends and I have always enjoyed a good “that’s what she said” joke. Many sexual jokes are funny and fitting at the right times. But like with anything, there’s a time and a place.
My message isn’t for those who slut-shame purposefully and maliciously. It’s for those who think they’re better than those “backward conservatives.”
Your words are just as insulting. The butt of your joke can’t just be the fact that your friend has had more than one sex partner. The butt of your joke can’t just be the fact that your friend has boobs. The butt of your joke can’t just be that your friend is showing some skin.
If your friend isn’t laughing with you or seems uncomfortable, maybe think before you speak next time.
Sarah Owusu is an assistant news editor at The Spectrum. In her free time she enjoys reading, baking, music and talking politics (yes, shockingly). She'll also be her own hairdresser when she needs a change.
Photo: Rhododendrites / Wikimedia Commons
