Ask Valentina is a weekly column about sex and relationships. If you have any questions or comments that you want addressed, send them to firstname.lastname@example.org and they will be appear anonymously.
This one really is for the girls and the gays.
Girls, what is stopping you from trying anal sex? Worried it will hurt? Or that it won’t feel as good as vaginal sex? That it might get a little too messy? Or are you convinced “that’s an exit, not an entrance”?
There are many reasons why you may not feel ready to try anal sex, but it’s statistically proven to be a more enjoyable experience than traditional vaginal sex.
According to Healthline, 94% of women orgasm during anal sex. This is because anal sex hits both the G spot and the A spot (yes babe, there is more than just the G spot down there). Your vagina is not the only place that is packed with sensitive nerve endings. In fact, most of the nerves in your anus are within the first two inches, some of which are also attached to your genitals making anal extremely pleasurable for some.
For men, anal sex stimulates the prostate and often leads to orgasm as well. Prostate orgasms are different from regular orgasms — the same way in that penetrative orgasms are different from oral orgasms… but even better.
Anal feels different for everyone, but generally having anal sex at first can feel a little uncomfortable. The initial penetration may hurt. A lot. You’ll probably (definitely) feel like you have to poop, however, this feeling should go away after you and your partner get a little into it.
Some women never get past the initial penetration because they cannot bear the discomfort. It can be far more painful than pleasurable for them.
Some women prefer anal sex and feel completely relaxed during the act. They get more pleasure out of it because this type of sex also allows for multiple forms of stimulation.
And others can swing either way.
Your partner, how relaxed you are and how much lube you use will all affect your experience. The biggest mistake that people make before having any kind of sexual intercourse is skipping foreplay. Foreplay is extremely important before you engage in anal sex because you need to be relaxed before anything goes anywhere. If you are not relaxed, you probably will not enjoy it.
But how do you do this?
Oddly enough, the best way to relax the anus is to act as if you are about to poop. While you are engaging in foreplay, engage the muscles surrounding your anus. You can also loosen this area by having your partner massage your lower back right above your bum which prepares your muscles for something they aren’t used to. You wouldn’t go on a run without stretching first, so why would you have sex without foreplay first?
Another important aspect is to use a lot of lube. If you think you’re using too much, use more. Lube not only prevents uncomfortable friction, but it enhances the experience itself.
Okay, now let’s talk about positions.
There are a couple of different positions that Women’s Health recommends for beginners. Some are great… some not so much. Below I am going to be taking their recommendations and sharing with you some of my personal thoughts and opinions.
AKA the “lazy-girl sex.” This position is my first recommendation for beginners. It allows for a lot of skin on skin contact which in turn makes you comfortable, more relaxed, and open to penetration. The giver is also able to pleasure the receiver in this position easily with a simple reach around. The only downside to this position is the receiver does not have total control over the penetration level. This calls for a lot of trust and communication, but hey, that’s the key to a good relationship anyways. Right?
Directions: Assume the “Netflix and Chill” spooning position. Both parties lie on your sides, facing the same direction.
Lap Dance: 7/10
This is Women’s Health’s most recommended position for beginners as it allows for the receiver to have complete control. It’s also very easy for the receiver to pleasure themselves in this position. But you better have strong quads for this one as it is essentially a wall sit without a wall. Also, if your partners’ equipment is even slightly curved, it won’t fit comfortably in this position.
Directions: Have your partner sit on the edge of the bed or a chair and sit on their lap facing away from them.
Backdoor Missionary: 4/10
I hate to give a good classic such a low grade, but unless you’re looking for a UTI, I wouldn’t suggest missionary and anal. Missionary is one of the go-to vaginal positions for those who struggle with UTIs, but with anal, having your partner in front of you makes it much easier for the bacteria to travel to places you do not want it to go. If you’re daring enough to try it, place a pillow under your pelvis for the perfect penetration position.
Directions: If you don’t know how to do missionary, you’re not having sex anyways.
Another classic. This position requires a lot (and I mean a lot) of trust in your partner. It is also a position that you really feel everything in… be careful. But doggy also has variations that can cater to different peoples’ needs and desires. If you want more shallow penetration, try lying down on your stomach and have the giver lie directly on top of you. If you’re going all-in, OG doggy will do the trick.
Directions: Either position yourself on all fours and have your partner kneel on their knees behind you, or bend over a surface while your partner stands.
Leaning Cowgirl: 7/10
This position is also recommended for a lot of beginners. I find that there isn’t enough skin on skin contact, a factor that makes anal sex much more pleasurable and comforting for some, but this is another prime position for your partner to pleasure you elsewhere. There is also more than just up and down in this position, you can go back and forth, side to side… if you’re experienced, try to spell “coconut” with your hips.
Directions: Have your partner lie on their back while you straddle them. I recommend trying different angles before diving right in, to figure out what does and does not work for you.
There are endless positions to explore until you find what works best for you.
But wait, What about the cleanup?
This answer is quite short. Unless the receiver had to poop before the act, there should be little to no cleanup required. What I will say is that if your partner finishes inside of you, be prepared to suffer the consequences during your first poop after.
Good luck! Xoxo -Valentina
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