2012 keeps getting closer and closer. Even though all of that stuff about the Mayans and the end of the world is probably garbage, I couldn't blame you for believing in it, what with all of the crazy things that have been happening in the world lately.
Who could argue with you? This is probably the first historical stretch of all time during which so many crazy things happened. It's not like anything crazy ever happened all that often anytime else throughout history. And I paid attention in World Civ, at least most of the time.
(Side note: I don't think it's true about the end of the world in 2012, but if it is, how could you really complain? We'd be the last humans ever on Earth. If you believe in an afterlife, you could say you saw the end of the world. I'd consider that an accomplishment.)
Anyway, while I'm on campus and constantly hearing about the UB 2020 plan, I can't help but draw a parallel between 2020 and 2012. It's not that I think that UB 2020 will cause the end of the world – it's just that with the way that people talk about UB 2020, it has become a sort of myth; a sort of "final date" when we expect something to happen, kind of like 2012.
So, on Jan. 1, 2020, will more buildings that look like Cooke Hall just start exploding out of the earth? Will parking garages sprout up out of the dirt, Tremors-style? Will the "economic engine" that drives Western New York's economy finally be unveiled? Will it look like, as Peter A. Reese wrote in Artvoice last week, "a fire-breathing, fuel-injected aluminum V8, or some wimpy electric traction motor?"
Speaking of the economic engine, I'd also assume that Downtown Buffalo will suddenly look like Chicago or New York City on Jan. 1, 2020. The Main Place Mall will turn into the new Mall of America, the waterfront will suddenly have something cool going on (and it won't be Bass Pro), and brand-new skyscrapers will be opened behind a golden statue of the Stanley Cup-winning Terry Pegula.
And all because of UB 2020.
Here's the genius of the plan. It's the same concept that was understood by whoever made up all of the stuff about the Mayans and 2012: if you popularize an idea, and you say that the idea is going to take place on a concrete date in the distant, unforeseeable future, and you keep referring to the idea by using that date, as if it is the fulfillment of some immortal prophecy, then people will believe in it.
Here's what I think:
UB 2020 is no less of a myth than the theories about 2012. Obviously, none of the stuff I said before is going to suddenly happen on New Year's Day 2020, just like we won't get hit by giant meteors, violent earthquakes, and swirling hurricanes in December of 2012.
Indeed, UB President John Simpson even said himself that 2030 is now an optimistic date for the fulfillment of his UB 2020 "master plan." That's because last year, legislators in Albany killed a bill that was essential to the execution of the plan.
Those legislators weren't swayed by the new buildings or the economic engine that I described to you in the vision above.
Because I failed to mention that the new Cooke Halls would be exploding out of the grounds of a private school's campus.
E-mail: luke.hammill@ubspectrum.com
This article was written as a satire piece.
