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What to wear to get laid on Halloween

Special to The Spectrum

Published: Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Updated: Monday, November 5, 2012 20:11

 

There are a select few times every year when it’s completely OK to walk around outside with almost no clothing. That’s right, kids – get ready for the girl wearing a bra and panties matched with a $1 set of animal ears, a pin-on tail and stilettos out in 50-degree weather.

It’s every college kid’s wet dream: Halloween.

So if you (like almost every other college student) are hoping to wear a costume that wows someone enough to want to rip it off, here are some suggestions:

It’s pretty easy for girls to dress up. But do you really want to be that predictable black cat, wearing a corset, booty shorts and a cheap pair of ears? Or one of the 100 other slutty nurses walking around the University Heights?

The goal is to stand out. If you’re going to join the walk-of-shame parade the morning after, you want the kids watching from their porches to think, “at least that girl got creative.”

You’re in luck if you’re looking to attract someone who’s into the gaming scene. Spirit Halloween has a great section of sexy costumes. The store has a ton of options, from the Avengers to Street Fighter characters.

Instead of just being a slutty black cat, step up your Halloween game and get a Catwoman leather jumpsuit – give Anne Hathaway a run for her money.

There’s always the nostalgic costume. Go as the pink Power Ranger – let’s be honest: she was everyone’s favorite. Or get your friends together and be Disney characters. No one can resist Jasmine.

There are some costumes you should avoid: ones you might think are hysterical that your friends all like, but ones that just won’t register with a man’s libido.

If you really are looking to get laid, do not dress as Snooki or any of those other Jersey Shore characters. I don’t know what’s more unattractive, a pregnant Snooki or a regular Snooki.

If you’re a Mean Girls fan, please don’t go as a zombie ex-wife. We all saw how that turned out.

Guys, take one of two routes: ultra sexy or cute and clever.

Want to show off that killer body of yours? I have the perfect suggestion – Khal Drogo. If you don’t know who this sexy beast is, that means that you have not been watching HBO’s Game of Thrones. Even if girls aren’t fans of the show, they’ll just think you’re Conan the Barbarian or something. But if a girl does know who you’re dressed as, she’ll know you have good taste in television and a great body. She might start imagining the two of you doing it DothrakiWesterosi style – if you get my drift.

If you don’t have the money, time or patience to make a costume, just tie a white towel around your lower body, grab some body wash and be the Old Spice guy. Same premise: you’re showing off that six-pack without having to go buy some leather armor.

But don’t try to take your sex appeal too far. While you might enjoy seeing girls in next to nothing, one of the highlights of doing the dirty on Halloween is shedding your costumes. If you have nothing to shed, it kind of lessens the excitement.

If you want to wear a costume that is more on the adorable side, here are a few ideas:

I remember seeing some guys dressed as Legends of the Hidden Temple contestants and I gave them mad props. My panties did not drop for them, but I’m sure some girl’s did.

Grab a hat, jacket and whip. Girls love Indiana Jones. And if you’re lucky, you might be able to use one part of that costume later in the night.

But you can’t take it too far. Alan from The Hangover might be a hilarious costume, especially if you stick a baby to your chest for the full effect, but it will not get you laid. I mean, you’re wearing a child.

In the end, it’s all about rocking whatever costume you’re wearing. Whether you’re a comic book character, movie star or slutty pumpkin, have confidence in your costume.

On a serious note: whoever is dressed like Han Solo, watch out. I’m coming for you.            

 

Email: features@ubspectrum.com

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