True Life: I’m Bad at Sex
Published: Tuesday, November 29, 2011
Updated: Monday, November 5, 2012 20:11
There will come a time in your sexual career that you take a pause mid-sex and realize that you are not stimulated and you can't figure out a way to make the intercourse fiery. This perplexing moment is not an excuse to get up and leave just as your partner is ready to bust his load, because apparently that is neither socially nor sexually acceptable.
It is, however, a reason to sit back and wonder, ‘am I bad at sex?'
In some cases the answer is yes, but usually the answer is no – you're just not used to your current partner.
Sex is something that is shared between two people or more – if you're into that – but we'll get to threesomes in a later column. Thus, both participants need to be on the same page.
Guys often think that silence is golden and that sex is purely the physical act of inserting the penis into the vagina and thrusting. But you never serve someone a burger without asking if they like it rare, medium, or well done, right? So don't stick your meat into her griller until you know how she likes it.
The key to fixing bad sex is communication. Guys usually refer to methods that they've used with their previous partners, not realizing that each girl has a distinctive body and respond to techniques very differently.
If your last girl liked it rough and fast don't assume that your next one will too. And girls, if your guy is treating your clit like it's an elevator button that won't work, let him know that he's being too aggressive. Boys clearly aren't mind readers and they often need to be trained and taught if you want them to get you to the right floor.
Another common issue is a boy's inability to process the fact that even though the sex feels amazing for him, it may not feel so good for his partner.
My first few times were so bad that I resorted to Google to find out how long it takes for sex to finally feel good. I thought it was a question of time, but it was actually a question of technique. I was too shy to ask him to change it up.
It's awkward and embarrassing to say ‘oh I like it like that.' I'd feel like I was in a bad porno. So I let it be and faked a good time.
According to Lou Paget, a certified sex educator and researcher, the inside of the vagina is probably less sensitive than the outer parts for most women, so deep thrusting may not feel so nice on the receiving end. Moreover, if the penis is too long, girls can feel like they're getting punched in the stomach and sex can make them feel nauseous.
Don't fake it or feel awkward to ask him to do something differently because you don't want to be in a relationship where only he obtains satisfaction and you're left dryer than my laundry. The longer you wait to ask him to change it up, the more uncomfortable it will be when he realizes he's been doing it wrong for so long.
If he can't find a way to please you even after your open and honest communication, then you might truly be bad at sex and you should refer to ‘Sex Positions 101' for tips on ways to spice it up. If that doesn't work, then there may be something emotionally stopping you from having an orgasm and you should seek professional help.
Be safe, be smart, and communicate with your partner. If it's too late then I guess you're just stuck with bad sex; all I have to offer is the best of luck to you and your partner.