True Life: I’m a virgin
Published: Tuesday, February 12, 2013
Updated: Tuesday, February 12, 2013 22:02
I haven’t had sex in 20 years.
I am a 20-year-old virgin.
When I say virgin, I’m referring to the lack of sexual penetration throughout my life.
On average, women first have sexual intercourse at 17 years old and the average is 17.3 years old for men, according to Newstrategist.com.
I’m not ashamed to admit I’m a virgin and it’s not something I try to hide from my peers. In fact, it’s my favorite “never have I ever” statement. People usually groan when I play the virginity card because they’re all forced to drop one finger.
When I tell people about the lack of sex in my life, I get two reactions. In high school, it used to be a small gasp and a look of pity, as if I wasn’t invited to the biggest party of the year. Recently, it has turned into an approving nod with a thumbs-up, as if they are impressed I have been able to ward off the men falling at my feet.
Either way, there is an awkward pause afterward, as if they don’t know whether to console me or congratulate me.
I don’t believe virgins like me are looking for a noble pat on the back for our chosen chastity. Although some people are saving themselves for marriage or view sex as something sacred, there are others who just haven’t found the opportunity.
When I was little, I imagined what my unknown future would be like. That boy in my first-grade class was going to realize girls don’t have cooties; we were going to fall in love, get married, have babies and live happily ever after.
Even though my first crush realized girls didn’t actually have cooties, he and I have not fallen in love and will not be getting married. But that doesn’t mean I have to sacrifice the rest of my childhood fantasy.
That’s the reason I haven’t let anyone swipe my V-card: my expectations. I want to be in love before I give it away. That doesn’t mean I have to be married or even engaged. I just want to be head over heels in love with the guy.
People have told me to just go out to a bar and find some random one-night stand or just hook up with a close guy friend “to get it over with,” as if it’s something to simply cross off my to-do list.
When my future child asks me about my first time, I want to be able to smile and say it was worth it.
My first kiss was a “get it over with” situation with one of my close guy friends at a party. As satisfactory as the kiss was, it wasn’t special – it didn’t mean anything.
I don’t want to the same situation to happen twice.
I know some people who have had sex when the first opportunity arose or who have found some random guy or girl to pop their cherry. Later on, they regret it or wish they waited. I’m not saying it is a bad thing to grasp the first opportunity you can, but it’s just not something I can do.
It’s possible I have unrealistic expectations. But so far in my life, no guy I’ve been with is has been worth it. So I’m still waiting.
I am aware that as I get older, it’s probably going to be harder to find a guy who will accept me and my virginity – let’s face it, we are a package deal – because of the changing stigma surrounding virginity.
“It used to be this badge of honor. And at a certain age, it’s not,” said Amy Rosenberg, a sex therapist and associate director of human sexuality at NYU, in an interview with the Huffington Post. “Unlike this idea of deflowering a young virgin, it’s not the same idea of getting there first with an older woman.”
If The Breakfast Club has taught me anything, it’s that the double-edged sword called virginity shouldn’t stop me from getting the man of my dreams. Even though Bender makes fun of Claire throughout the whole movie, calling her “Cherry,” you know he wants her.
If you are a 20-year-old virgin like me, stand proud. Don’t just give away your V-card because some drunken guy or girl at the bar checked you out. It’s a moment you can never get back. So make it count.