The Day I Met the Internet

Here you are, doing it again. You did not take the woman's stance, which implies you speak for women. You took your stance. Yours. Yours alone. And you took that stance I'n such a way that you made a value judgment on millions of people. You invalidated something very personal and meaningful to many and you're surprised they took great and angry exception to that?

There have been many pieces written about why a particular person chooses or does not choose to have body art; almost without exception the pro-tattoo pieces explain why the art is important to them, and the anti pieces manage to criticize and invalidate others' choices rather than focusing on their own story and reasoning.

Tattoos are not always about beauty, and when they are, it is about an individual's own concept of beauty for their body. You cannot possibly understand, condemn, or accurately judge that for them.

That being said, no one deserves to be treated to sexist attacks, threats, and body shaming (though your original article was body-shaming, itself). While I completely understand the anger you generated, the misogynist way it shows itself is a great sadness and disappointment to me.

For an aspiring journalist, you write with an incredible lack of foresight and a shamefully poor command of words and intention. I do hope you take this lesson to heart - and not only in the "poor me, my self-righteousness was misunderstood" manner you're currently displaying. Your career needs it.

I'm not at all surprised that you were attacked for your column in such a personal and threatening way, but I *am* disgusted, as I always am by flame wars and hate mail. There is absolutely no justification for you to have been subject to that kind of verbal violence. It is flat-out wrong.

I wanted to comment so that you would also hear from people who disagreed with you but who think you've been treated inexcusably. I know very well what that kind of frighteningly excessive attack feels like, and I'm sorry you have endured that. I think what you wrote here was pretty classy, by the way.

I wish you luck in your writing career. Take what you've learned from the legitimate disagreements, and please don't be silenced by the mob. Women are too often shamed, threatened, and intimidated into silence. Let your wisest voice be heard.

February 5, 2012 at 10:42 am

@ Lisa Khoury

In journalism "school" they teach that words are powerful and can do harm. You should have known that as a student of journalism. I learned that almost immediately in school.

Reporting should be concise, factual, and free of personal bias. Opinion pieces, while simply an individuals opinion, should still be concise. If you didn't mean the words you wrote initially, which I'm convinced you did, as a journalist you KNOW words are powerful tools, then you shouldn't have written them as they were.

No matter what is written, once it's submitted for public reading, you are at the mercy of the individual interpretations of the masses. So, as a writer, I'm confused that you weren't aware of how words can be such a powerful tool, and can cause people to react to them. You stated precisely that in your above "apology", which sounds as empty and trite as your developing college mind.

A 19 year old beginner journalist writes her first opinion piece for a college rag.
The topic is insignificant. A silly "fluff" piece, really. Meant more as entertainment than serious journalism, in a "two sides of the issue" presentation format.

Some thin-skinned (albeit tattoo'd) people get themselves all upset, send the article everywhere in a huge tantrum, and a vortex of complaining whiners grows exponentially, worldwide, in a day. It seriously got to the point that those commenting on facebook were clearly commenting upon other people's comments more than reacting directly to the piece itself, were misquoting Ms. Khoury wildly, and were tailgating conceptually upon each other, as opposed to reacting solely to the article.

What Ms. Khoury MEANT to say, or imply, and how she said or implied it, could be debated forever. Frankly, the article itself is no longer the issue. The issue is now the unabashed rudeness, the utter lack of manners, the nonexistent decorum, and the horrific incivility that ensued from people the world over. That's the real story now, and a MUCH bigger one.

Has everyone gone mad? Get a damn grip on yourselves. The more "woe is me" and "I am so injured" comments there are, the more nauseating it becomes. Get some spine. Are you that insecure about your stupid tattoos that you must crucify the kid (for an entire week now) with your asinine comments, personal attacks and insults? Are you really that concerned that what this young girl has written will "set back women's rights 50 years" ? C'mon now. Only slightly hyperbolic, don't you think? I am a feminist, and fought through those decades. This article hardly qualifies as a major setback. To think that it does shows a complete lack of awareness of what feminism and women's rights are about, both historically and now.

To state that you are "hurt" by anything this young woman has written is the most annoying position of all. Get over your fragile little self. Now.

She opined. You disagreed. So do so in a way you would hope someone would speak to you. Disagree with what she has written in a respectful manner. Comment on the piece. Not on her. That's over the line. Stop proving that the world is, in fact, full of idiots and that you are a prime example.

And last, stop doling out advice, scolding, shaking your finger at her, telling her to "learn her lesson" or most ridiculous of all, doubting her apology. I appreciate that she wanted to apologize, but she didn't need to. It says more about her integrity that she did apologize, than it does about you, who harassed the living daylights out of her until she felt a need to.

Without doubt, this is most overblown reaction to a non-issue in a very long time.

Most of the people who reacted to your statements read your article in its entirety. The words you wrote are the words people understood. If you didn't mean to imply that women should stick to working out in a gym, buying clothes at the mall, and getting manicures as a way to turn a man's head and that a woman is inelegant and classless if she has tattoos, then maybe you should have made some different arguments to back up your stance. No one can read your mind through the internet, so you have to say what you mean.

You also have to be prepared to handle backlash when you belittle something that is very important to those who participate/partake of/embody it. You felt hurt when people made comments about your face. You need to understand that making light of something like someone's tattoo is going to cause them the same gut reaction when someone calls you "ugly." A tattoo is not as disposable and impersonal as a trendy outfit, to those who have them.

Given your insincere apology, which ended up being more about your own bruised ego instead of about how uninformed and offensive the statements YOU made were, I really doubt that you've learned the most important lesson offered by your experience. However, I do hope that you've at least learned that, where the internet is concerned, nothing happens in a vacuum. People can see what you're doing and what you have to say, so make sure you are adult enough to handle the consequences. If you don't think you can, it might be best to just keep writing in the diary that you keep under your pillow.

the phase, "I get it. It's the 21st century. You're cool, you're rebellious, you're cutting edge, you have a point to prove, and you're a woman. Awesome." alone was enough to irritate me and intrigue me at the same time to finish your article. i am not writing to you to say anything of poor choice toward you or defend feminism or anything else. i am just simply trying to reply to you as a reader of an article that expressed an opinion against the person who read it.

i am a heavily tattooed 26 year old woman. with that said, i am sure an image has instantly popped into your mind's eye. please, take that image and completely throw it away. i live my life, every day, answering questions, to anyone who feels bold enough to open their mouth, about my choice of tattoos. i commonly hear things like, " you will never get married," or " no one will ever love you, " or " your children will be embarrassed of you." one time i even had a lady offer to pay for my lunch because she assumed i had no money becausse i "obviously cant hold down a job looking like that, now can you?" to which i had to respond that i was actually self employed, and honestly, most likely made more per year than she did.

i was raised in the church. i went to church twice a week. i went to a private christian school. my grandmother is the chairman of the board at her church, in which she also supports and fights for the food pantry she started. i grew up in a dry home .my mother volunteers at the homeless shelter, and i helped her prepare the meals she brought with her. before i moved out, we ate family dinners together. i spent every weekend with my grandmother, my aunt, my cousins. we are a very close, very tightly knit family.

in the event that one day i do have children, i would like to instill in them the love of God and how we need to love each other. i find that tattoos would be a much smaller distraction than that of someone who is dressed to be " drooled over." the outward reflection isnt always a mirror to one's insides. i completely understand that there are people who have tattoos and act classless. the tattoo didnt make them classless. the person made themselves classless.

you cant blame the tattooed community for making you "faceless." the same was done to us in your article. to use a cliche, " we are all individual snowflakes." the only seeming difference is that we, the chosen tattooed, make it very obvious, daily, that we stand by what we feel and say by wearing it on our skin. you dont have to apologize to us. yes, it was a very poorly written and very misinformed article, and without giving you the excuse that youre young, it was your opinion.

my feelings were hurt, sure, but its this article was just another notch on the wall to the things people will think to say to me because of the colour of my skin.