Sex Positions 101

            Many sexual partners reach a point in their relationship where they're ready to steer away from their boring positions and try out something more exhilarating and unique. If you've managed to make it this far in a relationship, first of all, props to you. Second, chances are the sex didn't turn out the way you expected it to.

            Don't lie.

            You weren't flexible enough, you got a cramp right between your thigh and butt cheek, or a really awkward noise came out of your vagina and you pretended like you didn't hear it. Yes, I'm talking about a queef.

            There is no need to turn bright red after this happens to you girls, because you're not the only ones. When a penis moves in and out of you too quickly it is bound to create so much air pressure that it eventually needs to escape your vagina.

            If you feel too uncomfortable to continue your intercourse after the technical difficulty – don't. Just change up the position and I guarantee comfort.

            The loud, wet, queefy noise usually occurs when the girl gets down on her arms and knees for doggy style. If you're really into the action from behind, try standing up with your hands against a bed or a wall, leaning forward at a 70-degree angle, and let him enter you from behind. This way you can ditch the rug burn on your knees and elbows, and the distracting noise will disappear.

            When he tries to transition from missionary to putting your legs on his shoulders and your legs just won't straighten, what do you do?

            Laugh about it.

            You couldn't do it in your high school physical education classes, so why would you be able to do it now

            Not flexible enough for that? Just grab your lasso and try cowgirl. As he lies down on his back, let him slip inside of you while you sit on top of him. Thrust your hips from front to back slowly, and get quicker until he reaches his climax. Make sure you're not a sucker for the selfish boys though, because your orgasm will come from him using his hands.

            If you missed that hour at the gym to stay in and study, this position is the one for you. Squat on top of him as he lies down on his back, and bounce your body up and down with your feet on the bed and your knees bent. Your thighs will begin to burn and you may sweat profusely, but it's a workout you'll never forget. Better yet, a workout he'll never forget.

            Since most of the time the sex isn't good enough for you to make noises, fake it. To all you boys in denial that think, ‘they don't fake it with me, I'm too great' – you're wrong. We know how much pleasure you get from our light moans and when you get more into it we get more stimulation, it's a win-win.

            If you feel uncomfortable faking noises, then try some heavy breathing and massage or scratch his back. But don't forget that you're not a cat. Don't break skin; nothing is less attractive than making your boy bleed during intercourse.

            It's impossible for every girl to be as flexible as a soft pretzel, and if anyone's ever seen me attempt to stretch at the gym you know I'm the first to understand how impossible it is to bend. However, the awkward moment when you cramp up and can no longer thrust does not have to be so awkward if you just realize that you're not the only unbreakable pretzel rod.

            According to Isabella Snow, a former sex education correspondent, the most popular and well-liked position by women is missionary. This is because many women love displays of dominance in the bedroom. Missionary does not take any extravagant body movements or gymnastic talent, so don't be afraid to keep the position simple while utilizing your hands and moans for extra tang.

            Change up your style and try out some new moves, you won't regret it. Most of all, be safe, be smart, and be sexual.

Email: keren.baruch@ubspectrum.com