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Parody Columns

  • bull

    Nothing But Bull

    Breaking News: cops useless, chivalry dead

    This past weekend, the streets of the University Heights were filled with kids getting drunk, kids acting out scenes from Reefer Madness, kids throwing sucker punches at unsuspecting students and cops patrolling the streets throwing tickets in the air, making it rain.

  • Nothing But Bull

    “I’ve been waiting all summer to see these amazing football players,” said no one ever

    UB’s football team lost its third game of the season Wednesday night to Kent State, 23-7. Surrounded by unresponsive fans who cared much more about tailgating before and winning free stuff during, the game was as nail-biting as watching The 700 Club on repeat.

  • Nothing But Bull

    Oh look, a new bus, AND it’s Gone.

    The Stampede has been revamped this year – the buses look nice, they’re shiny, they’re pretty and apparently they’re air-conditioned. Unfortunately, only a few students have seen – let alone sat in – the new buses, leading many to believe they simply don’t exist.

  • bull

    Nothing But Bull

    Student confused why he didn’t get laid this weekend

    Jonathon Myers, a freshman communication major, felt a severe blow to his confidence over the course of Labor Day weekend, due to what he believes is UB’s general female population’s complete and utter lack of taste.

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