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Never Date a Girl Who Can Read

Sports Editor

Published: Friday, November 19, 2010

Updated: Monday, November 5, 2012 20:11

 When I was younger, one of my family members, after a long night of drinking, told me to never date a girl who could read.

I wasn't quite sure how to take the advice.

Well into my last year of college, I'm still trying to determine what he meant. This is as far as I've gotten.

If there's one thing in this world that can make men powerless it's women. Come on, I know we may not all be that smart, but we're better than that.

So why not date a dumb girl who doesn't quite know how to take advantage of you?

I've had experiences with both smart and not-so-smart girls, and there are benefits to both.

If you see a pretty girl with a pile of books in front of her in the library, trust me, she's smarter than you. There is absolutely nothing wrong with this, just know that she will be impossible to manipulate, and she will always get what she wants.

However, she will be able to hold a conversation, which is always a plus. But there are negatives to this situation.

Take Tiger Woods, for example. Around this time last year, Woods was probably the greatest human on planet Earth. He was a multi-billionaire, was the most dominant athlete in his sport, had a whole country in love with him, and had a beautiful wife.

There was only one problem: his wife was smart enough to know something was going on.

If he had received the great advice I had, he would still be on top of the world.

Instead, his wife read his text messages and found out that he was indeed cheating on her. She proceeded to go crazy on him with a golf club and Woods crashed his SUV and eventually his life.

This is an easily avoidable situation for Woods. And I know what you're thinking; he shouldn't have cheated on his wife. Yeah, this is probably true. He shouldn't have left his text messages open for her to read, too. Again, a mistake on Woods' part.

But that is all beyond the point.

The real mistake was marrying someone who was able to sniff out his extramarital activities. Oh, and she took $110 million from him.

I'm not saying find a girl that you can get away with lying to, or cheat on. What I'm really saying is, make sure that you don't get taken advantage of. This is for your own protection.

As a man, you want to be in control, and you can achieve this by dating a dumb girl. For example, a girl from Long Island.

Personally, I would prefer a smart girl. I think I'm able to hold my own in a situation like that, but a lot of us men can't.

Don't take the title literally, I don't actually mean "never date a girl who can read." It would just be ludicrous to limit your options like that. And obviously, it would be really dumb for anyone to take dating advice from me. I mean, I did just severely reduce the number of girls in this school that will talk to me by writing this.

What I'm trying to say is, guys, just be careful about the situations you get yourselves into.

E-mail: chris.rahn@ubspectrum.com

 

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14 comments

Anonymous
Mon Jan 21 2013 14:21
These bitches are mad, he's too smart for them to take advantage of him.
I like to make out in front of the libary
Thu Oct 27 2011 14:34
I want him alsoo
I like books with piktures
Thu Oct 27 2011 14:32
I Want him
Anonymous
Fri Jan 21 2011 10:10
Girls... u mad?
Anonymous
Tue Nov 23 2010 17:19
Seriously, what were you thinking when you let this article run? Did anyone read this and say, "Hey Chris, you might want to rewrite this?"
Anonymous
Sat Nov 20 2010 18:28
This guy below me needs to stop pretending to be an LI girl, because he sounds pretty dumb.
Anonymous
Sat Nov 20 2010 17:36
You're going nowhere fast in life.
Anonymous
Sat Nov 20 2010 17:22
All caps looks stupid.
Anonymous
Sat Nov 20 2010 16:51
"What I'm trying to say is, guys, just be careful about the situations you get yourselves into."

I think you should have taken your own advice.

Anonymous
Sat Nov 20 2010 13:53
This is one of the dumbest columns I have ever read in The Spectrum. And that's saying a lot, considering how often ignorant articles are printed in this dumbass newspaper. No one wants to read hyperbolical articles if they're retarded, plain and simple. This newspaper sucks the big one.
Anonymous
Sat Nov 20 2010 13:35
I think you have achieved your goal. No woman that can read will ever date you again, because after reading this, who would want to?
Anonymous
Fri Nov 19 2010 23:02
Coming up next week: "Never Date a Girl Who Doesn't Understand Hyperbole"
Anonymous
Fri Nov 19 2010 21:24
There's no way this guy will "quite" smoking the crack pipe.
Anonymous
Fri Nov 19 2010 20:01
Dear Sports Editor who wrote "Never Date a Girl Who Can Read",

You're a moron. Maybe you should quite smoking the crack pipe and learn that a real man doesn't let a woman's intellect deter him from getting to know and possibly date a smart girl. Maybe guys should get a clue and not try to get one over or lie to a girl. You're an idiot and I am ashamed I attend the same school as you.

Sincerely,
A chick who is above you in any and every possible way





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