Whelp, Bye

On April 30, 2012

I have to admit, I often have trouble doing this kind of thing. Politically charged rants or ironic social commentaries or media reviews or 45-page honors theses, sure, but heart-felt goodbyes are another thing entirely. I don't want to fall into the many clichéd traps that await someone in my position. Conversely, though, I don't want to come across like a jaded postmodern hipster or something. Because my name is not David Foster Wallace, I am not able to somehow pull off both. So, without further ado...

First off, I would like to thank my girlfriend, Mara Deckard. You mean the world to me. I love you. Without you, I would be a less open, less genuine, less complete, less actualized person. You've changed me, and for the better. I can't imagine, nor would want to imagine, the kind of person I'd be if you weren't in my life. There's so much more I want to say; squeezing it all in here seems undignified and cheap, somehow. So, Miss Goose, just know this: thanks for everything.

I'd like to thank all the friends I've had here at UB. You've all, to some degree, challenged me to be a better person, or, failing that, were at least there to joke around and coin in-joke-y neologisms with. I will miss the days of COD before class, hyper-regimented D&D, and going "Oh hai [your name]" like 14 months after first viewing The Room and having it still be funny, sort of, to say nothing of the other 96.5 percent of my college social experience not covered by those three particular memories. Thanks guys, it's been a lot of fun - I daresay writing these lines is TEARING ME APART!

Thanks, Mom and Dad, for being, well, my mom and dad. You were there for me throughout my whole college experience, to say nothing of being there my whole life before that, too. A simple "thanks" doesn't really suffice, but at this point it's the best I can do.

The tons of great professors I've had here also deserve a special mention. I've learned a ton here - more than the know-it-all freshman I entered as probably thought possible. For this, I have my professors - as well as books, BitTorrent, the programs on the History Channel not about UFOs, and reddit - to thank.

I'd also like to thank everyone here at The Spectrum. Thanks, Matt Parrino, for giving me an incredible opportunity I like to think I made the most of. Thanks, James Twigg, James Bowe, and Nick Pino for giving me someone to talk about .gifs, video games, and Dragon Ball Z with. Thanks, everyone on Arts Desk, for giving me the chance to do absolutely awesome stuff (or, more often, listen to crappy CDs on AOL listening party) and be incredibly opinionated about said stuff in an official capacity. Thanks, everyone who joined the Spectrum Fantasy Football League, for all eventually losing to me, your (ahem) reigning champion.

Finally, I would like to thank a group that is very near and dear to my heart: the right side of the political spectrum. Without you guys, the world would be a much better place and I would have far less to write about. Thanks for, among other things, claiming there's no "war on women" even though all 31 senate votes against the Violence Against Women Act came from Republicans. Seriously, thanks, I couldn't even make something like that up if I wanted to.

It's been a great ride, UB, and I've had a lot of fun, all unnecessary political jabs aside. So, then, here we are - the end. To quote the woman at the end of Ingmar Bergman's The Seventh Seal, "It is finished."

To be much less pretentious about it: "Whelp, bye."


Email: eabenoit@buffalo.edu

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