Real world problems: my fantasy team

On October 11, 2012

I've got real problems.

Lately, people have been coming to me complaining about their tests, girlfriend problems or how I ate the last chicken patty in the freezer (sorry, Steve). But I have bigger problems this week. Drew Brees and Matt Forte are on a bye, not to mention that four days after I traded for Donald Brown he decided to get knee surgery and will be out 3-4 weeks. Yeah, so you tell me who's got it worse.

What really makes a fantasy week sour is when people in your league break the laws of fantasy. Yes, indeed, there are laws. Of course, the original copy has been fought over for years and its resting place is unknown, but there are a few points that we need to go over.

Article 18

Going 0-5 to start the season is not grounds to start accepting money in exchange for what few good players you may have. You obviously just need to drop a class so you can focus on what's really important: your fantasy team.

Article 44

You are never allowed to sit your stud because his matchup isn't favorable. If you drafted the man in the first two rounds, you have a moral fantasy obligation to start him consistently. You see, I don't care if your Moe's Homewrecker was a little pequeño this week, that doesn't mean you go for taco salad this time around. Please.

Article 21

Never can you start two or more players who are on a bye. That just shows a lack of effort and gives me the right to show no mercy on your fantasy team (not that I would anyway). Some people are like, "But Troy, that means I'll have to drop my third string receiver." Look, when last week's chicken nuggets turn green, it's time to throw them out or give them away.

The same goes for Randy Moss, who you've been holding onto for four weeks now. Well guess what? He's green, moldy, smells like a baby's diaper rotting in the sun and I'm betting he tastes like that, too. So drop him. Don't hold on to underperforming players just because you have a moral obligation towards them.

Don't feed me this garbage about sacrificing one week so you can keep your lineup the same. Like I've said in the past, your lineup this week will not be the one you win the championship with.

I'm not sure why food is good for analogies, but here are this week's tasty flex picks:

Vick Ballard(RB/IND) Confidence Rating -7/10

Everyone's talking about this guy this week. With Brown out, this guy is getting the carries, and I bet you are looking for a RB to fill in a bye week slot.

Kyle Rudolph (TE/MIN) C.R. - 8/10

Yeah, I know I picked this guy last week, too. But this guy is still owned in just over half of all leagues and even then he's being started in fewer than half the leagues he's owned in. He has four touchdowns in four weeks and the opposing Redskins have allowed the second-most fantasy points to TEs. You're missing out.

Sidney Rice (WR/SEA) C.R. - 6/10

He's supposedly the No. 1 receiver in Seattle, but lately he's been embarrassing. He's due for a score this week vs. New England, the third-worst pass defense in the league.

Hakeem Nicks (WR/NYG) C.R. - 1/10

Reports have indicated he is back in the lineup this week against San Fran. I know Hakeem owners are anxious to get him back in the lineup, but don't do it. Eli has plenty of other options; they're not going to be pushing him his first week back. If you're truly desperate I guess you have to, but don't be expecting much.


Eliminator/Survival Pick: Seattle over New England

Teams on Bye: Panthers, Bears, Jags and Saints



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