Masturbation and Long Distance Frustration

Let’s Talk About Sex, Baby

By KEREN BARUCH
On September 13, 2011

  • Flying Lotus succeeds -- though the music's vast variety is sometimes overwhelming -- in his newest effort. Courtesy of Warp Records

    It's only the third week of school and the lives that we thought we were leaving at home still play a major role in our lives here at UB. This column goes out to the girls who are crazy enough to think that they can last in a long distance relationship.

    Whether your significant other is partying it up at another school or joining the army, don't throw away the idea of long distance relationships.

    I've actually been hit with this long distance relationship plague. Stuck in the tundra of Buffalo, I'm left with one means of communication with my boyfriend who lives 3,321 miles away.

    Skype.

    "Do you two play with yourselves on video chat for each other?" That's a question I often get and the answer is no.

    I'd rather not risk his computer freezing on my naked body so that his mom can walk into the room and see all of the junk in my trunk. Or even worse, my computer freezing on his body so that my roommates find out that the Magnum condoms on my dresser have just been for show.

    I can picture it now.

    ‘Babe, you look so hot.'

    ‘What?! You have snot? You're breaking up I can't see or hear you!'

    Awkward.

    However, if you're into that virtual sex world, don't let this column stop you. In fact, now his mess won't end up in your bed, on your stomach, or in your stomach (I can't tell which is worse). Not only will you be saving calories, but also you'll be saving yourself from the cleanup afterwards.

    According to a study performed by The Center for the Study of Long Distance Relationships, 25 to 40 percent of all romantic relationships among college students are in some way long distance.

    To those of you who fall under that percentage, I have one word for you that I know Chelsea Handler would be proud of me for using: masturbation.

    No one knows your vagina better than you do, and your boyfriend is too many miles away to pleasure you. This is your one shot to be in complete sexual bliss without having to tell your partner to move his finger faster, slower, higher, or lower. You will be your own partner and your vibrator along with your finger will make an unbeatable team.

    The Gossard Big M Survey reveals that 92 percent of women aged 18 to 30 masturbate. Of those surveyed, 66 percent masturbate three times per week. Female masturbation is on the rise, girls, so share your techniques with friends.

    If you don't have time to go out and spend money on sex toys or vibrators, just let your creative juices flow and use home remedies for your sexual frustration.

    Just add an extra step to your daily shower routine. Use your showerhead, down there, for ultimate stimulation.

    If you're serious about fashioning your own sex toy, fill up a condom with flour and water until it has a dough-y feel to it. You have the ability to choose the width, length, volume and rigidness of the penis that you want to play with; something that no boy can give you. Pop the dough into your oven, in whatever position you wish to try out, and let the baking begin.

    According to statistics provided by The Center for the Study of Long Distance Relationships, 37 percent of long distance couples split up in the first three months of a relationship compared to 21 percent of traditional relationships. However, if a long distance relationship can last the first year, only 8 percent break up compared to 25 per cent of traditional relationships.

    Sexual pleasure is easy to find. Girls, you're capable of pleasing yourselves more than you know, and if you need further help figuring out how, Google is always there for you. What isn't so easy to find however is someone that you love with everything that you have. When you find that boy that's worth the wait for physical sexual intercourse, you know you've found the one.

 

Email: keren.baruch@ubspectrum.com


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