How To: Convince your guy friend “No Shave November” is a bad idea
Published: Thursday, November 1, 2012
Updated: Monday, November 5, 2012 20:11
The beginning of November always comes with certain things: a crisp chill in the air, leaves changing colors, the countdown to Thanksgiving – and beards. No Shave November has begun – brace yourselves, girls.
No Shave November started in Australia in the late ’90s as a charity event to raise money for and awareness of animal cruelty. Now, No Shave November, also called Noshember, is celebrated worldwide as an act of charity for prostate cancer – a competition of masculinity and a superstition.
For the past couple of days, I have listened to the guys I know talk about their beard-growing preparation. When should they shave for the last time? Should they go for a full beard? A goatee?
My answer is always discouraging. I hate beards.
If you’re growing out your facial hair to support a charity, by all means, do it –you have my support. However, if you are like most guys and are just growing it out as a competition between friends or to display of how manly you are: stop it. You are going to look stupid.
Many girls agree with me.
Beards are scratchy to touch, distract from your face and they hurt when kissing. Beard burn is the worst.Beards cover up your naturally attractive face, and while you may think you look sexy and sophisticated, you look kind of creepy and messy.
There are very few people who look good with an immense amount of facial hair, and those people include Zack Galifianakis, Morgan Freeman and Santa Claus. Beards give this trio personality and uniqueness. Just because beards work for them, it doesn’t mean facial hair will enhance or improve everybody’s jawline. Just look at Brad Pitt or George Clooney.
Scruff is a different story. The scruffy look makes guys look sexy. Many guys look great with a little stubble around their cheeks, but once that stubble takes the inevitable plummet to a bush, it’s time to break out the razor.
If one of your close guy friends or boyfriend is thinking of growing out his facial hair as a display of “manliness,” tell him to change his mind with a few of these arguments.
Think about Thanksgiving. By the time you go home to see your family, it will be day 21 or 22. Do you really want to see that summer fling for the first time with a bush covering those adorable dimples she loves? Spoiler alert: she isn’t going to want to go further than a hug when that scratchy beard touches her face.
Another Thanksgiving problem: food. You know by the end of your gravy and turkey feast you are wearing most of it on your face. A napkin usually can suffice to clean it all up before it’s time for pie, but with a 22-day-old beard, it will take a hose and a vacuum to get ready for dessert.
Besides the itch that accompanies your face full of hair, do you really want to have to shampoo your face daily so it doesn’t start to get dirty?
Once again, many girls hate the bearded look. We understand you think you look cool and you want to develop discipline and prove to your friends how macho you are. But if it came to a hot guy with a fuzzy face or a not so attractive guy with a smooth jawline, many girls would pick the clean-shaved stud.
If it’s your boyfriend who is threatening to be a No Shave November champ, you could always tell him, “If you stop shaving, so will I.”
Remember, this month-long hairy holiday can be celebrated as a co-ed holiday. So if men start growing out their beards, girls, feel free to stop shaving your legs and/or armpits.