Published: Thursday, September 27, 2012
Updated: Monday, November 5, 2012 20:11
The lights are off, the sex playlist is on, and – BAM – you’re ready for him to enter you and thrust so hard your bed frame chips the paint off your wall. That’s usually the play-by-play of a steamy sex session, right?
Foreplay is extremely important. According to menshealth.com, women can take up to 40 minutes to orgasm. There are many women who fake climaxing because they feel bad taking so long when they know a guy can finish in minutes. Many girls don’t finish because their guys jump straight into the sex; they don’t try to pleasure them beforehand.
We all know you can’t pour pasta into a pot and expect it to cook if the water isn’t boiled yet. So why do so many guys assume girls are ready to go as soon as the lights are off?
Guys, it’s time you treat us more like you treat your spaghetti. Wait for us to get hot and soaked, taste us to make sure we’re just right, and then finish us off.
Tell her you have all night to tease her – this is a great way to let her know you’re not there to get it in and peace out; you’re there to get her wet and let her enjoy herself before you actually enter her.
Debby Herbenick, a sex advice columnist and science researcher, says: “The better you convey not just tolerance for a lengthy buildup but also appreciation of her sexual pleasure – orgasm or not – the easier it will be for her to unwind and explode.”
Once you get her in your bed, take your time teasing her and turning her on. As tempting as it may be to rip off all of her clothing and feel her naked body against yours – don’t. Instead, remove her clothing slowly – one article at a time, giving every inch of her the attention it deserves.
Begin by taking off her shirt and touching her everywhere except her breasts. Eventually, remove her bra and kiss her from her naval up to her chest. Pay special attention her nipples (it’s underrated how sensitive they can be), all while taking breaks to kiss her lips.
When you take off her pants, leave her underwear on for a little. Use your fingers to massage her clitoris over her underwear. After a few minutes of teasing her, push her underwear aside and insert a finger into her to see how wet you’re making her. This will likely turn you on as well because depending on how much you like her, seeing how much you turn her on should make you harder in return.
A study published in the Journal of Sex Research suggests women who feel embarrassed or ashamed about their bodies are less sexually assertive. In order to help her relax and raise her level of eroticism, let her know you think her body is beautiful – especially down there.
To the guys who don’t believe eating a girl out is necessary during foreplay: You better have some other incredible method of turning her on and getting her started. Either that or you better get ready to say your goodbyes, because as soon as she finds out how incredible oral sex feels, she will not be into you anymore.
If you simply think it’s gross, get over yourself.
If you’re expecting her to give you an endless amount of blowjobs – and especially to swallow – then you better reciprocate the favor. If you just don’t know what you’re doing, websites like askmen.com have a myriad of tips.
An article on askmen.com, titled “Giving Her Oral Sex,”suggests you use your tongue to lick her vagina from its entrance up to the clitoris. Remember to chill out and relax; enjoy yourself and don’t get tense. Move your tongue freely from her inner vaginal lips to her outer labia on one side. Once you’ve done that, draw her lips into your mouth and massage them with your tongue. And since the other side will probably get jealous, move on to the other side afterward.
Some girls appreciate dirty talk, so even the sound of your voice telling her you can’t wait to feel what it’s like to be inside of her can get her started.
Spend a lot of time talking to her and touching her, and expect her to do the same in return. The sex will be significantly better if you warm each other up. The tension will be built; you’ll be hard and firm and she’ll be wet and begging for the wild thrusting to begin.
It is almost second nature for girls to put their hands into their guys’ pants, teasing them and turning them on, and eventually getting on top of them to give them oral sex during foreplay. But for some reason, there are many delusional guys out there who think simply touching their girls’ boobs is enough to ignite them.
Couples are willing to try out unique sex positions, but they don’t realize how thrilling it can be to try out new foreplay techniques.
Girls, if trying to “69” isn’t your thing because you can’t multi-task and give head while being eaten out, try to give him oral sex in the 69 position but tell him not to touch you. This will give you a sense of authority because your entire body will be on top of his, and it will give him a chance to get a good look at the junk in your trunk and appreciate your booty.
Try watching porn while touching each other or even touching yourselves and letting each other watch.
If your boyfriend has yet to realize the importance of foreplay, nonchalantly show him this column and hope he’ll get the hint. If you have crazy foreplay stories or unusual things that turn you on before sex, email me and let me know! I’d love to hear about your experiences.